mindless indulgence

Something different for a change.

2011-04-13T02:19:00.001+08:00

Mostly found on Tumblr rest assured I;ve reblogged them. (not that it really matters)
And the first and the last is from a graphic site that I don't bother to remember.
So yeah, hopefully this will lighten the mood.

I need to escape from myself a little while.

Don't think too much F, you just might lose your head.

2011-04-13T02:05:00.001+08:00

Stressed out. Who knew staying at home could be such a torture?

Well, it's not that bad. And no, it's more about the thoughts that are dwelling in my head. Sigh. Lately, money, career and study options have been dragging me down. I can't seem to make up my mind about any.

There's just so many things I want to be doing.
So many decisions to think about and the people that are involved.
~~Me, my mom and friends.~~

Ugh. Don't mind me, I'm just making things more complicated than it should be.

Life is difficult when you don't know where you stand.

XOXO

Back to blogging without readers.

2011-03-22T17:16:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm making my blog into private again. Not that anyone can read it, anyway. So right now, I'm currently in the living room with my sister- who's using Betty's laptop. Betty is my sis-in-law, also the mother of my darling nephew again. My sister just got back from Shah Alam last night. Joy! =) These past days have been exhausting. Sunday, I went for rock climbing with the Church's Youth. It was fun, a great first time experience. Even though, I got lost and vaguely knew the faces and the rest I've never even knew existed. There was Elvy, but we aren't that closed anymore. It's kinda awkward to be around her. I just don't feel comfortable and I think she feels the same too. There were two people from RCIA, a boy and a girl. We aren't that tight and were in different groups. My teammates were okay though. We kinda hit it off. =) It's sad that they started to leave one by one. In the end, we were deserted and only two were left standing. I got tired and bored of climbing. It's not that easy. Sigh. It turned out alright. I managed to climbed a few to the top and gathered the first point for the team. For rock climbing, anyway. =) I don't think they noticed but who cares? It was nice that the ladies offered to pick me up to get there because I side-tracked to the Complex instead. Damn directions should have been clearer. Sigh. Especially for the people that has never even been there. Maybe I'm the one who should have checked earlier. It's my fault for not going to Mass, anyway. So I deserved every bit of it. God must be teaching me a lesson on commitment.

Speaking of commitment, about the job interview. I texted my friend last-minute that I wasn't coming. I feel like an awful human being that shouldn't even be allowed to step foot on this earth. I'm so sorry, Shamira. You have a lot of things to deal already, aside from my non-cooperation and laidback but panicky behaviour. I really wanted to try it out, but I wasn't prepared. It held so much responsibility for me to think. I was positive that I would be crushed in the interview if I failed. I wasn't ready to face it all. Even my resume bear suspicion and I still haven't photocopied any of the things I needed. In conclusion, I bailed out on the deal. I feel like I'm still a mess and I haven't quite settle myself down yet. That's why I can't commit to a job like this. I'm positive that there will be something out there. I just have to keep on looking and pray for guidance.

I still haven't filled out any forms yet. I know I told mum that I have filled out the UPU application, but I lied. I know it's a terrible thing to do in fact I'm sinning by doing so. I just wanted my mum to get off my back about it. Plus, I'm still waiting for the final result of STPM to come out. Which is taking longer than it's supposed to. I think I will fill it out tonight or tomorrow. We'll see. Other than that, there's the SPA & Maktab too. I bought the Pin No. yesterday with faithful friend Becky. =) It was my first time going to BSN to buy the Pin on my own. Well, kinda. I had company. Hehe. Anyway, we were actually rushing to buy it because it was the last day. Turns out, when we went to check it online it was extended to this Friday. =/ And during the registration we couldn't register for IPTA aka UPU if we were to apply for KPLSPM(Maktab). So this is quite an itch to figure out. Why couldn't they told us earlier?? Not after, we bought the Pin. That would probably be our fault for not doing enough research and blindly following what everyone else is doing. Tsk tsk. How unwise of us. =/ So right now, still figuring out if I'm going to apply for Maktab or not.

Okay, that's about it. I'll update more later. =)

Rawr!

2011-03-18T22:21:00.008+08:00

Status Report

Current mood : Pissed. Like usually. These days a lot of annoying stuff are upsetting me.

Current song : "Gives You Hell" by The All-American Rejects on replay. ="=

Why? My Sis-in-law's friend, Kilon. He borrowed something from me without asking.

What is it? A CD I borrowed from Becky that I haven't finished watching.


Jeon Jin Ho is a straight guy who pretends to be gay in order to become Park Kae In's roommate. His hobbies include organization and ironing, and he’s known for his stoic poker face. He’s a stickler for cleanliness, but he also has a talent for figuring out a women’s feelings. Kae In is very trusting even though she has a habit of being betrayed. However that doesn't stop her from giving people the benefit of doubt and Jin Ho is no different. How will Kae In react when she finds out that her gay roommate is not actually gay at all and that he has fallen for her? Source: Javabeans

I'm annoyed that he didn't ask me and more annoyed than he thought I wouldn't mind.

That's it, I'm putting all my stuff away in my room and locking it.

I also intend to get my own laptop soon. (Just as soon as I saved enough money for it)

Hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed. (And I'll need a job for that)

Damn it, why couldn't he asked first? I feel used, mistreated and disappointed. =(

It's good though. I mean, being upset.

It takes away the nerves(about the job- read previous post)
and makes me focus on better stuff. =)

I'm actually more honest when I'm annoyed or miserable.

No pain, no gain huh?

Not exactly sure if I'm using the phrase in the right context.

Oh well, can't be bothered with all the little details now. Can we? =)

Here's some pictures from last Saturday. Just uploaded from my friend, Ah Lok ^^

Me, Elvy & Itti.

Itti, Elvy & Bro. =)

All of us. ^^

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Tukang belanja Bumper Car. Hohoho~ Bajet peace. =P

Ah I feel so much better now! ;)

Photo Credits : Jessica Lok

I don't have any lines to go right here so, Tubba teletubbie!

2011-03-18T12:33:00.003+08:00

The title is a line from Eminem's song, "Just Lose It".

So earlier...I just got off from a phone call with a friend who's offering a job at her place.
It's an Office type of work, supposedly they need someone who's good in English.
I agreed an interview with the Boss on Monday.

I'm actually pretty freaked out about it.
It just feels like it's confined and caged because...
I'll probably end up sitting in an office all day.
I'm nervous meeting people with high profiles too.
I feel pressured because it's the place that where my friend and her boyfriend works.
The Boss is probably the boyfriend's Dad.
What if I embarrassed myself? Or worst, embarrass my friend. >.<"

Oh God, what am I going to do?
I want to make a good impression on them.
She said the job is going to need some commitment.
I'm not totally confident that I can do that.
Overall, it'll be good experience.
Wait, what am I gonna wear? Ugh.
I can't wwar slacks and a white T-shirt for the interview.
Uhm. Wearing Baju Kurung would be too much.

Gah, feels like I'm getting married and trying to win over my soon-to-be in-laws.
This is not right, I've never even had a real boyfriend before! *Sad.
What rubbish am I spouting? I don't even know!
Breathe, darling. Breathe!

I'm a sucker for Horoscope. Idk why :/

2011-03-18T02:41:00.003+08:00

Monthly Horoscope: March

Sagittarius

Positive period till 16th March 2011. You will experience growth and rise in repute. You will feel a higher level of energy & creative ability too. 17th March onwards a gradual distance from family & relatives could be felt. There could be some changes in property as well as domestic matters. As long as you are positive, there would be abundant energy to work out matters.

Yearly Horoscope - 2011
Sagittarius

You’re an optimistic soul, Sag, and this should be a great year for you. Your intuition is very active, so “it” just might happen. Just be sure to look before you leap.

Most of the time, you’re pretty healthy. You exercise, take vitamins, and spend lots of time in the Sun. However, there are times when you push yourself too hard, and end up collapsed and exhausted. Try to pace yourself. Good health is important, but you should balance it with friendship, contemplation, and acquiring knowledge. There’s more to life than breaking records.

You have many friends and beloved relatives, and it’s difficult for you to give equal time to everyone. Sometimes you neglect one or two people - and they could be offended. It’s hard to remember everyone, but if you can’t see someone, try to at least give him or her a phone call. It’s better than nothing, and this person will be be glad to hear from you.

I've always been fascinated by the accuracy of some Horoscopes.
It's like I'm getting to know about things that I didn't even realise about myself.
Knowledge is quite wonderful. Just make sure you don't believe in 'it' too much.
Remember, above all...
God comes first! =)

Last Sunday.

2011-03-17T14:18:00.003+08:00

Sis-in-law, Betty.

Me- chubby arms. >.<

Random.

SS session begins.

Hohoho.

Bluek.

Lalala.

Yo, wassup?

Hihi.

Hey.

Bahaha.

Shameless. >_o

Scary!

Snapped it without anyone noticing.

I secretly took this, but I think she noticed. :P

Bride & Groom(second cousin).

Wicked painting.

Gift bag from the Ballroom Palace Hotel.

Marble cake from the wedding reception. :)

Things I bought at the Pc Fair with Becky. ^^

Friends are awesome to have. =)

2011-03-17T13:07:00.005+08:00

Last week's fun-ness.

Me & Leo. Gah, my eyes look perverted her. =.="

My best friends since Form 4. =)

BFFs forever! Hehe. Don't mind us, just chillin' in the toilet. X)

Leo's so pretty. Saya senyum tupai. :B

Becky. I got real closed to her in Form 6. ^^

Leonetta Edora. Pandai menyanyi ni urg. Jan ko men-men.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. XD

HEHEHEHEHEHE. =D

SS before leaving.

Kekeke.

PEACE PLEASE!


ROCK ON & PEACE OUT! XP

Second day being lazy at home.

2011-03-15T17:21:00.002+08:00

I'm spending my time watching "Personal taste" starred by Lee Min-Ho & an elder female actress that I hadn't bothered looking up for. :P The story's okay, a bit dull but I could honestly relate to the characters.

There's 16 episodes and I'm only on the 6th ep.

Aside from that, I've started texting this guy who works at Toys R Us.
I met him last Sunday, he was giving away free life-time membership cards.
Becky & I snagged the opportunity and filled in some forms.
The guy tried to chatted us up and later said my name and asked me if he could call me.
HAHA.
He even shook my hand and all that.
I was flattered but a little uncomfortable. (disgusted too)
Then again, I didn't decline.
He called at 12 in the midnight or something, but I was fast asleep.
Well, whatever. I tried replying to him in the morning but it wasn't delivered.
I thought I ran out of credit and didn't bother to try to send it again.
Too bothersome for someone who I don't know.

An unknown number texted me later.
I didn't bother replying.
Somehow I could sense that it was the same guy.
Plus, he kept using Malay in Semenanjung style and addressed my name too much.
I don't really know his name anyway. Helmy or something?
Anyway, what's done is done.

Shit. I hope I'm not over-thinking it and blowing some stupid fling out of proportion.
Honestly, it just ain't worth it.

Sigh. Why do I only get hit on by Malay guys?
Aren't there any decent Catholic boys out there? =/

I don't always do what I say ; I change more than the weather.

2011-03-12T23:43:00.004+08:00

I had fun today.

The bumper cars were awesome. Worth the wait. <3
I rode the horse in the arcade and was completely exhausted from it. >.<

We didn't get to watch a movie as planned...
Instead, we went for Sushi. It was my first time going to a place like that!

And lucky us- they were having a promotion! RM2 per plate. <3
Later we went to check out the PC Fair. =)

Et then took us joy riding in her car before sending us home!

I really did enjoyed myself...even if I was unable to be fully at ease.
Anyway, that's just me. ^^

Here are some pictures for the day.

Looking at a stupid kid.

Take 2.

Take 3.

About to pay.

Before or after Et spilled some wet stuff on the bill.

Ate 6 plate. :P

Laughing.

At the back with Bro & Beck. =)

This picture is supposed to be Bro & I. XD

The last one was just for laughs. HAHAHAHAHA.
Hope you enjoyed looking at the photos~ I know I do ;D

I've been thinking...

2011-03-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

"Landslide"

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down

Mirror in the sky, what it is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life? Oh

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
Time makes you older even children get older
I'm getting older too

I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
Time makes you older even children get older
And I'm getting older too, I'm getting older too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down

by Smashing Pumpkins(?)

Things that need to be done.

2011-03-03T00:07:00.001+08:00

Pay this month's DiGi Broadband bill
Cash in the check from Alliance Bank
Fill in the damned UPU application form
Buy Lollipops for the greatest Art teacher ever

That's all for now.
I'm gonna go close the door for this room because I feel like I'm being watched...

Loneliness.

2011-03-03T00:01:00.001+08:00

I'm all alone and feeling blue. I miss him, I miss her. Maybe I don't. I just miss the feeling of being in love.

Planning to watch a movie or a Korean drama later.
Mum is attending/sleeping over a deceased relative's house.
The person was hit by a truck in a highway and died on the spot.
May God rest his soul in eternal peace. Amen.

P/s- Dear Daddy, we will always love and miss you. I hope you are in a better place. <3

Hunger is better than heartache.

2011-02-23T06:53:00.000+08:00

"It feels like I'm alive but inside I'm dead. Looking back, I've been through so much last year. It was the worst moment of my life, a dark period I've ever experienced. I had problems stacked and piled up and was emotionally and mentally disturbed. I was dealing with a lot of issues at school- studies, with friends and even at home. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry, but nevertheless it made strong. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have. I'm sure you're thinking that it's probably nothing, but I behaved in a way that I am most not proud of. I've hurt and wounded my friendship with this person. And no matter, whether we still keep in touch with each other or not- I can never get back what we have lost. Going to school everyday was a torture for me. It was much more complicated than you think. Being there made me reevaluate my moral values and sexual orientation. Not only was this person 'a friend' but we were in the same category, gender-based. Back then, she was madly in love with another girl. What's worse is I knew it from the very start. Still, I didn't mind and taught that everything was okay. Just as long as I kept my mouth shut. Overtime, the feelings grew stronger and I just couldn't conceal it. The secret was killing me from within. I was breaking and freaking out. On the verge of insanity and I was worried that everyone will find out. What it would cost me. Everything was just so totally messed up. I just don't have the words to express myself for my fucking stupidity. I was foolish and taught of silly things when I should have been concentrating on my studies and being a good daughter at home. I had everything, well more than what some of my friends have. And I didn't use it to my fully to advantage. I took what I was offered for granted and refused to listen to anyone's advice. Now, I would give anything to have a second shot at this again."

Stpm result day 2.

2011-02-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

"So, it's official I'm doomed. My mind is really in a bad place right now. I am emotionally unstable and depressed as ever. I hate myself. I hate how I wasn't good enough then and still am not good enough now. Generally, I despise myself and loathe my very existence. I feel so pointless to the world and my life has no meaning or any purpose. I feel so empty, sad and lost. I just feel like I want to die ever since I saw my result."

"My friends are all happy and celebrating their wonderful result and here I am alone with my pity party. Endless tears and sadness. I've never felt so useless and more alone in the universe. It feels like my world is crumbling. Everyone's being hopeful that I could get in and even join them in the same University. When the reality is I just can't. My result's aren't qualified for any Degree courses. So, there you go. I'm fucking fucked-up SCREWED."|

"So in a case like this? What the fucking hell am I supposed to do now???"

"The alternatives I have are...to re-check my results. I have to pay RM50 for every paper I want to check back. Fuck wasting money. Fuck waiting. But I just got to try something. Well, that's all I have for now."

Stpm result.

2011-02-22T00:29:00.001+08:00

"It still kills me knowing that I could have done better. I'm very sad about my results, but I'm trying to accept it. I can't blame it all on my problems. It wasn't because of my problems, it was because of me. I didn't try as hard as I should. Therefore, I'll be the one suffering the consequences. I'm sorry mum for not making you proud. I'm just so very sorry for being such a disappointment." -ashamed.

"I feel like such a loser and that there's no point on keep going...but I have to...for the ones I love...I gotta keep fighting the battles everyday. Until I breathe my last breath."- suicidal.

"God...I am only human, please recognize my weaknesses. Kindly give me the strength & wisdom to face all of my trials and tribulations that exists everyday in life. Make them see that all faith is not lost. In God's name. Amen."- homosapien.

Just some thoughts I have going on this moment.
Thanks be to God & praise the Lord's name Jesus Christ!!!

Note to self.

2011-02-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

"TALK LESS & DO MORE"

Currently trying to download :

Bruno Mar's albums

The Vampire Diaries (S2)

I've watched until Ep 7 now.

Will be watching :

Glee S02E13

Should post :

More pics next time.

I need to :

go to the toilet.

fill in the UPU form.

burn some Eminem tracks.

Kbai! =)

Dear self.

2011-02-19T02:14:00.001+08:00

"GO TO SLEEP IF YOU'RE TIRED- GOING ON THE COMPUTER WILL NOT GIVE YOUR BODY THE REST IT NEEDS." - SINCERELY, YOUR BETTER JUDGMENT.

Dear everyone.

2011-02-19T02:06:00.002+08:00

"I'M SORRY FOR BEING A
DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE WORLD
&
PROMISING MORE THAN I COULD ACTUALLY KEEP."

PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGY.

Dear self.

2011-02-19T01:57:00.002+08:00

"STOP SAYING WHAT YOU'LL DO
&
START DOING WHAT YOU SAY."

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Challenge.

2011-02-01T07:31:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna try to do this challenge thingy for the blog. (:

Day 01 : Introducing myself.
The first step is always the hardest to take.

I like you.

2011-01-29T01:22:00.001+08:00

Since starting work, I've been getting some attention from some co-workers.
About 10 or more are trying to hook up with me. -___- what the hell?
I have no idea why this is happening.

Most of them are security guards. Which I find disgustingly creepy but a little fun.
A few boys that's working in a different brand than I am.
One of them is the Supervisor of the Kid's clothing section. ftw!
I'm actually interested in a few of them, truth be told.
Yes, I'm shamelessly admitting it.

The others? I would just rather have as acquaintances or not know them at all.
There's four okay five people I kind of like.

Two of them have piercings on their ears- kinda cute too.
Another usually hangs out with his pals and smiles at me a lot.
Which I find adorable. =P

I like checking out this tomboy too. She's quite good looking for a girl.
I guess my previous bad idea to get romantically involved with such a person still lingers.
Shit. At least, there's more contact with dudes now. Unlike before in school. -.-"

And lucky number five is...this dude that was said to be interested in me, but never really made the effort.
I absent-mindedly gave my number to this girl, I thought she wanted to be friends.
It was too late before I realize that she was going to give it to a boy.
Nothing really happened, of course.
On some random day, that friend wanted me to meet the boy.
I hesitatingly agreed.
So, it was pretty close to love at first sight for me because I was nervous meeting him.
And to my surprise, he was unbelievably hot.
In the end, it turned out to be a big disappointment though.
Why? My friend said it was the wrong guy and that one was his cousin.
Which my other friend who tagged along the so-called meeting) thinks it's a lie because
she supposedly heard the girl who set-me-up whispering "I saved you" at the guy.
So, what a complete and waste of time.
Gave me freaking butterflies for nothing! :(

I'm still pondering at that last one.
So far, I think I like this guy the most...the guy with his posses around him.
He's adorable to say the least and he sings "Nothin' On You" around me...
I think, I hope. Whatever. Off to bed now.

Work awaits in the morning!

Fat.

2011-01-28T01:44:00.000+08:00

I just saw pictures of me uploaded on Facebook...and I look chubby.

People said that I gained weight, but I felt like I still looked the same.

I guess, I was wrong. Great, now I feel fat.

I need to stop eating at night.

Period.

And get on a diet and get myself crazy active.

Eat biscuits and fruits more than rice.

Do some sports or dancing.

And Worse. House chores.

I want to be lean not muscular.

Hopefully, I'll manage to lose a few pounds!

New mission starts from NOW!!!

Stressed out.

2011-01-27T15:20:00.000+08:00

So, work hasn't been really that great.

I'm contemplating on quitting now.

I've been coming late and been absent a lot.

Shit. I need a more flexible job. :(

Fuck worried. Stupid mood swings.

I need to sleep earlier and wake up early if I intend to keep working there.

Gotta break out of this bad habit and the feeling of taking everything so lightly.

I'm causing a hell load of shit for everyone. Including, myself.

Fuck indecisiveness and stressing out.

Shit.

When serious meets silly.

2011-01-14T00:26:00.009+08:00

Aside from that, there are other agendas that are far more important than in the last post..

Finding my BSN slip and filling an online application for UPU
Opening an Alliance bank account
Attending a Korean course with Bro (?)
Becoming Jane's KK Plaza night ride (?)
Donating blood with Itti Nori (?)

I'm a greedy monster and ~~can't help myself~~ from wanting it all.

:( I need God.

Update.

2011-01-14T00:12:00.008+08:00

Just got in touch with some friends.
Looks like they're making plans to go out tomorrow.
Only problem is I HAVE WORK. Boo hoo!
Well, I could go to an afternoon shift.
Meet them at 11 and just wing it.
One of them wants to donate blood for charity.
I was thinking of the same thing last week...
but I was in a hurry and heading off to work.

If I donate blood and get a certificate, it'll be time consuming.
I've already came two days for the afternoon shift and took a day off today.
Won't look good on my record and I'll get less cash- might even get fired.
I'll probably faint at work too from the lack of blood.
I wasn't the healthiest child to say the least.
That will cause trouble and anxiety for my co-workers, family & friends.

On the other hand, I'll get to hang out and chat with my friends.
Which I haven't seen this year yet. So much catching up to do.
I'll probably just space out and waste my time and money(not mine).
So why not waste my time by earning money instead?
Then again, I need to ask them about the UPU...
Or I could find it out myself and ask them later.
There's still time right?
It'll feel awkward and they're probably gonna tease me about my hair.
Plus, I'm terrified of meeting these two people.
The ones that somehow made me question my s~~exuality~~.
Damn it. Maybe I should stay away from them first.
Until I'm ready to see them.
What if they came to my workplace!
Shit. That's gonna be embarrassing.
Why should I care anyway?
It's a decent job and I get to interact with people.
Aside from handling expensive branded clothes.
I get to move around and not sit on a desk all day.
Sure it's boring and I ran to people I don't want...
but heck nothing else to complain about.
The pay is alright, not RM3.50 per hour like at McDonald's.
Still, RM2.80 is still more than RM2.50 right?

So which will I choose?
Go out or go work.

I think I know what to do, but I might change my mind again.
Just wondering which one I would regret more(?)
Not seeing them or not going to work...

Hmmmm.

I really can't make up my mind here -..-

Resolutions- or not resoultions.

2011-01-13T17:51:00.001+08:00

This post will be about the things I want for Year 2011.

It may and may not come true. Involves the act of spending money.
I have to be smart about it and save some for my savings account.
In case, I'll be needing it for future investments and emergencies.
I have to be wise and not let it get to my head.
Always ask for guidance from the Lord Almighty.

Okay, now that we have that cleared out.
Let's begin my vain dreams.

A new phone (Blackberry?)
Contact lenses (Clear or coloured)
Ear piercings (at a Jewellery store perhaps)
Shopping (Jeans, T-shirts, Jacket, Shoes...)
Take an online shopping course
Online shopping (Accessories & secondhand items)
A MCR T-shirt (Check out that store in Warisan..)
Take free computer courses at AMC
Treat whole family (either food or things)
Get the Nicole Exclusive and MNJ wallets

Okay, that's all I got to show for now.
I'll update more when I can and maybe include something else too.

Trying to watch an interview of Chris Colfer and a YouTube keyboard turorial now.

Ciao.

Keyboard

2011-01-13T16:57:00.001+08:00

I'm currently trying to learn how to play the keyboard.
So far, I just know how to play four songs.

Marry Had A Little Lamb
Happy Birthday
Edelweiss
Silent Night

The last two songs I still haven't memorized it fully.
Still need something to refer to when I play.

Other songs that I have in mind are :

Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne
My Chemical romance
The Beatles
Marie Digby
The Smashing Pumpkins

Well, I haven't quite work it thorough yet.
It's hard looking for free song sheets online.
Most of them are for guitar chords and not keyboards.

I'm planning to buy a songbook once I earn my first paycheck.
Or maybe register into a music class. <--This one is "just a thought".

Hopefully everything will work out fine. :)

Paranoia

2011-01-13T16:41:00.001+08:00

I've made my blog into a private account again.

Only I can read it now. I just don't want to offend others with my overly candid typing. I guess, no matter how much I try to pretend not to care. In the end, I always let other people's opinion get to me. I just don't want to be overwhelmed by it anymore or let them know I am. It just bothers me and I think it makes them feel uncomfortable too.

Talk about paranoia. You must have figured out by now- what a psycho I truly am.

HAHAHAHA. Okay, this was fun.

Haircut on New Year's Eve Gone Wrong

2010-12-31T04:51:00.004+08:00

My hair sucks. :(

It's 4 O'clock in the morning and I've been up since half an hour ago. I should have cut my hair shorter! It would probably be more manageable. Currently, not content with this thing on my head right now. Grr. Okay, yesterday I went to get my hair straightened a.k.a "rebonding". After getting it cut at the back, washed it twice... The process was like cut behind, wash, straighten, treatment, wash, dried/straighten and lastly did the bangs. They also applied some weird stuff that smelled funny on my hair. I think, it was medicine or something. Anyway! Unfortunately, I slept on the wrong side of the bed. Literary. Woke up at 3 AM, checked the mirror to see that my hair's right sides were bent. :((((( Tried to mend it by combing it down, but there are still some that are sticking out that just refuses to cooperate. Why oh WHY didn't I ask to get a shorter haircut...like a friggin' TOMBOY's!? I'm sure I'll be able to pull it off and maybe even adapt myself to my naturally outgoing and optimistic personality...that some of my friends said for whatever reason I'm trying to hide. :/ Rather than a doll who cares more about looks than anything else. No offense to those who do, keep it up you look awesome. ^^" Unfortunately, I'm just not that type of person who combs her hair every freaking second. Not literary, you know what I mean... I just don't care that much about how I look, only sometimes...occasionally when we go out or on special events. Most of the time I like being carefree and things to not be so...well...complicated. By "complicated', I mean letting my life be controlled by an eighty-eight Ringgit haircut. Fudge, I am not just some face. I am a person with rights! What I want? To change this annoying hairstyle.

So that's why...I plan to get a job and use my first paycheck to get very short hair(oh yeah!) and a brand new phone with a big memory, excellent camera and quality sound system. Preferably offers a lovely experience for browsing the net and beautiful graphics that ease the eyes. To put it in short, quality eye & ear candy with a built-in memory that can store my never-ending fascination of the world- my simplified and controversial views of it anyway.

Okay, enough for now. I logged on the computer because I wanted to look up ways for fixing hairs that are straightened and messed up. I ended up here due to my insides that obviously couldn't contain itself.

Aside from that, I bought a bluetooth device, it's lime, green or whatever. Lost the old one in an unorganized household. You know, when I was asking the people who work there. Nobody quite understood what I was saying at first. They seemed like they didn't know what it was. I went to four different stores to you-know, compare prices. I gave up asking people and decided to look for it myself. Secretly, I think we both were a little distracted by my fresh from saloon haircut. Haha. Also bought some crappy nail polish with the same colour. Two of my toenails on both of my feet look gross now. Like I painted them with a green highlighter(I think most of us were guilty of this from unbelievable boredom in class) or how things look glowing in the dark. Sagittarius are known to have great intuition, I guess materialistic possessions and haircuts aren't one of them huh? Come to think of 'love' isn't their best forte either. A little too much information. This is why I don't blog too often, I just type out every word that comes across my mind. I might give myself away too much and put my reputation on the line...*snorts* Yeah right, like I even have one or care what people really think of me. :) A little...a lot. Okay, shut up!

Lovers and haters, I'll share more later. ;)

Oh yeah, STPM is over. Results are coming out in March.
Let's forget I ever took the exams, okay? Okay. :)

~~I have to pee like a race horse now k bye~~

Stubborn. Me.

2010-11-05T03:36:00.002+08:00

Why am I being such a stubborn mule?

An annoying childish prick,

Who just can't seem to forgive?

I'm the one who was looking for trouble.

When I logged on to her account.

And read about those messages about yours truly.

Well, I've only told two persons and now you dear blog.

The first was my trusted amigo.

Who I share secrets with and she only tell hers to me.

The second would be my sister.

Who I tell everything to...obviously.

Some are insignificant and others are very personal indeed.

Anyway, now here I am feeling all hurt inside again.

Jeez. I should really give myself a good slap in the face.

Wait, I think punching and kicking myself would be better.

I owe myself that.

With all the shit that I've lead myself into.

Fuck, I made such a huge mess.

And turn everything so twisted and well honestly...

I don't know what anymore.

Somehow I feel that most of the problems I have...

are created because of my attitude towards it.

Gosh, I feel like such an idiot!

Sigh.

STPM is only two weeks to go..!

I need to concentrate.

And stop cursing on my blog.

Maybe I'll write a book about my life later.

Hahahaha.

Right.

The story would be so interesting...about this pathetic girl and the troubles she deals in life.

*rolls eyes sarcastically*

A part of me wants to forgive my "frenemies" as quickly as possible.

While, the other wants them to forever rot in hell.

(Of course, I don't really mean that)

Man, gotta stop obsessing over this whole love-hate relationship!

Or I'll literary be doomed for life.

Okay, I have and need to study.

No more burning songs about ridiculous heartaches.

Or hacking into your ex-best friend / now frenemy's facebook acc.

Ignoring your ex-crush turn into frenemy who I don't talk to.

But find myself always thinking about it and still hurting over.

It's stupid. I don't need this shit. It'll only destroy me in the end.

Plus, I have three beautiful and wonderful friends who like me the way I am.

(In class)

And many other closed friends who outweighs each of the useless frenemies.

So, please...dear self.

Forget about your troubles for a while.

And just focus on the really important things right now.

Your freaking future!

And stop feeling so hopeless and sleepy everytime!

It's just so ughhh.

Okay?

Later then.

Dear stranger,

2010-11-05T03:19:00.003+08:00

You disappoint me.
You really do.
Don't you have any thoughts about how I feel?
Of course, you don't.
Maybe you do.
And just don't care.
Too blinded by your own selfishness and feelings of your own.
That apparently has nothing to do with me.
I know what you talk about.
How you pretend.
You felt guilty and sympathized me, right?
But I pushed you away.
Because I was angry.
That I had to get your attention by being stricken with such unluckiness.
Maybe you, feeling useless to me had made you stop coming to my rescue.
It made me feel empty a little.
Did you know that?
Of course not.
Why should it matter anyway.
I can't even stand to be in the same room with you.
It makes me feel so sick..
Especially, after seeing how you've been acting the way you do.
Around one of the girl I could never hate.
Honestly, it made me felt so empty that I thought of suicide on the first day of the week.
Then, later combined with the sadness and mourning of the lost of my father.
Plus, the stress coming from the most important exam of my life (for now).
That's why I can't walk home with my friends.
Or go to the canteen.
Be in the same class.
It's all because of you.
But, you know what?
I'm slowly forgetting about you.
I'm coping with it.
The pain is slowly fading away.
I know you're not worth it.
I know I could do better.
I know I can take this.
I just know it.
But for now, you're that person I wished I think less of.
The least person I want to see.
The least person I wished to speak with.
Because you're the one that has hurt me the most.

PS-
I really like it that I get to have my revenge without having to do anything.
It's satisfying to see you get hurt and angry.
Because then you'll get to taste half of how you tormented me.

One day, when this is over.
We are going to think back and laugh about it.
But now, you're my least favorite person in the world.
And other people can't tell me what to not to do.
When it's hurting me inside.

Okay, my neck is killing me.
Adieu.

Pour out.

2010-11-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

I miss keeping a journal.

Silly poetry I write about stupid feelings I feel.

I miss this friend I had who I thought we'd be friends for life.
Because I just assumed that it'll be that way.
But turns out we didn't matter enough for even a goodbye.
Maybe she had her own reasons.
I find myself thinking about her from time to time.
Wondering when our path will cross again.
And a bunch of others stuff I think of telling her.
And other things she would kindly share with me.

I miss my dad.
More than anything.
Scolding me for my grades.
And anytime I make the slightest mistake in life.
I remember the last time...before he died.
He furiously blew a fuse on me about forgetting to close the water tape.
Scared the shit out of me.
As I was concentrating hard on the computer.
Doing my fucking art coursework for STPM.
Which I am SO relieved it's finished.
The coursework, I mean.
Not STPM.
That's barely 18 days to go.
Fuck me, FU.
I hate that freaking art teacher.
But whatever. Over it.
I felt so stupid for wasting money on singing karaoke with my friends.
Shit. Never again with them.
At least, I ain't paying no more.
Maybe I will.
Who knows, people's minds keep changing.
And I for one never stay the same.
Fucking hypocrite, aren't I?
Fuck, I hate it when all I can think of is that stupid vulgar word.
Once my mum caught me typing it out.
Those letters, even though I censored it out.
She could still read it.
She told my sis. Haha.
Funny, how I can almost always hear when my family are talking about me.
Even though, they're outside and I'm in here locked in my room.
I just tuned most of the things out.
I'm really bad at following people's advices.
I just can't stand it!
Especially, if it's coming from my mum.
I just go like solitary mode.
It's like talking to a wall.
Horoscopes can be terrifyingly true.
It's actually kinda interesing.
I also almost always withdraw myself from getting too attached.
I'll make an effort to reply. It may be quick or take forever.
I just don't commit, but I'm loyal.
I won't always be there for you, but I'll always come back.
Ugh. Where is this post going?
Again. Lost. Sigh.
I should study. I really should.
But I just can't.
Or maybe don't want to.
I know I don't have enough time.
But it's like I just don't even want to try.
Or maybe it'll be very last minute.
It's already last minute, if I do it now.
But at least, there will be earlier preparation right?

Okay, life events.
Friday...having a Rosary Prayer at my house.
The RCIA mates are coming and my teacher(well sorta) will be leading? I think.
Saturday...the Librarian's Farewell Party.
Then, Tution I supposed? Hmm. Missed it for three weeks already. F-it.
My niece is getting engaged too.
So, family are going there.
Except for me, I think. I don't want to go, I have to study.
But that's just an excuse. I just don't like going to that kind of thing.
I'll probably end up doing something else. Or not.
Sunday, Church as usual. Going with my brother I supposed.
That's something to look forward I guess.

I think, I poured out my feelings a little too much already.
Please forget about everything that you've read.
For the both of us, please? Thanks.

Oh yeah, I invited a few closed Christian friends for the prayer.
I don't know how that will turn out.
Thinking of having a sleepover.
But I haven't breathe a single word to mum yet.
Oh my. I'm getting kind of nervous now.
Why do I have to say it? Sigh.
What a foolish act.
Okay, hoping everything will turn out alright.

Later then.

Hello

2010-11-05T02:22:00.000+08:00

Blog. It's been a while, huh?
Readers, you still there?

Sigh.

Honestly, there's so many things going on.
It's been barely a month since the death of my father.
May the Lord rest his soul in eternal peace.
Amen.

And a couple more weeks until STPM gets here.

Endless sighs and heartaches.
All I feel like doing at school is sleeping.
I don't feel like anyone gets it.
I'm too caught up in my own world.
I'm sad, cold and bitter.
Everything feels so temporary.
Nothing matters anymore.
I'm a lost soul just trying to find myself.

Maybe stating the things I like would help out :
Like...Coffee Prince (Korean drama)
My new found love for rabbits. (damn, they're just freaking adorable!)
Our new kitten named Udol.
My Sister & Sis in-laws, Brothers, Nephews & Niece.
Mum......
Cousins and my other relatives (although not that closed)
Friends...even though, I feel like they ignore me most of the time.

Okay, this post is turning into another insignificant tale of my life.
I'll stop here.
K, bye.

Night Out

2010-09-26T06:16:00.001+08:00

Good morning y'all =)

Just woke up.
Last night was alright.
I tried to lay low and not talk too much.
Fear of annoyance if I show my personality.
Ass.
Oh we went to Pn. Niti's Open House.
It was at Kingfisher.
Hmm. Ok2 la. A lot of people.
Kami pun malu2 ni. Haha.
Spend there like an hour, I think.
Makan sampai macam mahu muntah.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Ada roti canai juga ni :D
Afterwards, we went to Bukit Bendera.
Hung out there and took pictures.
Then, the driver sent each of us home.
Astaga, sot ni bha.
Time mo pusing dari uma sa.
Bule2 t'langgar tu gate uma.
=.="
So, sa buka gate la.
Supaya senang ckit mo pusing.
Kali ni, sikit lagi t'langgar kereta .
Nasib sa p pukul2 tu kreta.
Baru dia stop.
Adedeh.
Ketara ni bha nervous.
Tapi men kontrol2 shax.
Haha.
Biarlah.
Skali skala ikut urg yg bwa kreta tanpa lesen.
Earlier, I suggested to watch a movie.
But it was late and they weren't up for it.
Oh well, next time then :)
The thrill of it was enough.
Risky and liberating.
Felt free and alive~
Thank God we were not in any physical harm. =)
Amen.

What else is new?
My history tution got canceled.
Because the teacher's bag along with her IC were stolen.
To cut to the mustard, she was robbed.
So, I guess she needs to settle her problem now.
Too bad. I really liked her as my teacher.
She was nice, funny & smart.
Damn it, I'm posting like she's dead or something.
I really do feel sorry for her though. =(
Lesson : Never leave your bag lying around without supervision.
A man took her bag inside the tution center.
The place is not safe.
Plus, they are many immigrants wandering around this place these days.
If you look over your shoulder, you just might find one.
The end.

Going to Church in 2 and a half hours.
Gonna check out Twitter and Tumblr then.
I hate Facebook now.
Bye :)

Daggers & Thorns.

2010-09-25T12:00:00.001+08:00

It hurts. It f*cking hurts.

Nothing worth killing myself over, but still the wound is there.
And it freaking stings.

I'm tired. So very tired of them.
I wished I could pick them up and throw them far away from my life for good.
The thorns in my soul.
Restricts and prevents me from growing and being free of pain.
And to just be happy with myself.
Regardless of what I am.

They are the broken pieces of my life,
that remind me constantly of what a mistake I've been.

Sure they won't say anything to my face.
Ha. F*ck them.
And those little daggers that they use to stab behind me.
Break me and then take advantage of me.
Pretenders and entertainers.
Actress and drama queens.
Selfish and vain.
Their talks of complete bullshit.

Their conniving ways, fooling everyone and getting the others to play along with them.

I'm sick of putting up with their shit.
I'm sick of pretending to be something else.
I'm sick of trying so hard to get along.
I'm just going to let it be.

Because the harder I try, the more they try to put me down.
I guess, I'll just have to lay low and mind my own business.
I don't need them and the shit that they offer.

I wished I never got involved in the first place.
I wished I have realised it sooner.
I wished I had been more wiser.
And not fall into temptations oh so easily.
But I did.

And now, I have to pay the consequences for my actions.

That's okay, though.
With God, everything will get better.
I just have to believe it.
And not let life get to me.

For now, I have to avoid any confrontations and conflicts of the soul.
And I'll be on my way.

Signing off, FF.
I may be Fragile & Fallible, but I won't ever give up.

KO STPM BHA BUDUH!!

2010-09-16T11:40:00.004+08:00

STPM is just a month and a few weeks away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop goofing off!!! 

Why are you messing with my head? :[

2010-09-16T10:26:00.013+08:00

The title explains it all.

It's impossible to get over that person. Sigh. Especially, since that person texted me to go out today. Just the two of us. OMGOMGOMGOMG! I was freaking out. Took me a long time to give a reply because I can't help considering that this person was asking me out on a date. Which I don't know for sure... Then again, when I said that maybe that person should take this other friend out instead. That person said no, it'll be just the two of us and plus that friend doesn't like to look at books. So, what does this all mean?? Okay, the conversation started out like this. Last night, that person thanked me for coming to h** open hse. Then, I replied the next morning because I fell asleep. Later, I texted my friends from school and asked if they wanted to go to the library to have a study session. Even added that if they're lazy, don't bother replying. :) They all didn't get the 'message' and still replied that they can't. I guess, they enjoy giving out bad news. Asses. Excuses are first day of period, not enough money for the bus fare and just plain lazy. Oh well, it's their credit. Okay, then suddenly this message from this person appear. This person didn't exactly gave me an answer, but replied with another question instead.

[ x = crush. m = me.]
x : Hey, are you free tomorrow?
m: Maybe..why?
x : Can you help me find something?
m: Find what?
x : We'll go to Times Square at 1Borneo tomorrow..I want to get this book..

Can you go out tomorrow?

m: I don't know..Tomorrow is a holiday right? It'll be kind of hard to bluff my parents..

Why don't you take [insert friend name here] instead...

x : No, just the two of us.. Plus, they don't like looking at books..
m: (This is the part where it took me a while to reply...
and the friend I suggested like looking at books :/)

Do you see what I mean???
How can you get over someone, when there's obviously a chance that they might like you back as more-than-friends? :( Sigh. I hate that person for screwing with my head like that.
Some part of me can't help thinking that I'm being played and that all of this is just another cruel joke. Plus, maybe one of my friend is in on the plot to torture me too. Then, there's another part that says maybe...just maybe that person really has developed feelings for me? And this other side thinks that, it's probably just nothing. A harmless outing and that person probably doesn't and never will feel the same way. That person just needed my help with something that I kind of like doing. So, quit putting your hopes up, you'll just get shot down. :(

I spent the whole yesterday thinking about the endless possibilities about a few dumb questions asked by a dumb person that I can't help but to like so much. I hate myself. Oh yeah, in the end...I end up going to the library alone. My hand was writing, but my thoughts were busy thinking about stupid things. At least, I finished two essays! Aha, three to go for Malay that is. I still have tons of other assignments that I have to get done. (=.=") Anyway, I should put an end to this nonsense and focus on more important things. Like, school, family, friends...not my sad love life. Such a dumbass. =="

If you were wondering,
My Raya plans didn't worked out as well as I hoped. That night after I got back from Han's place. My Dad murdered me with his words and forbid me to do anything fun with anyone. He's kind of still hung up on the results from my First Trial STPM. Which I had flunked badly, but somehow still managed to maintain the same rank as before. Haha. The next day, I couldn't go to Sham's open house. I was stuck babysitting at home. My dad kind of went too far and said some ridiculous and unreasonable things. I got pretty mad and cursed in my head. Thankfully, my mum let me go to Et's house for Raya. Ate, laugh, went to the river near her house and took a bunch of pictures with Becky's camera. Later on, Larry took the five of us- Elvy, Becky, Broworlleika & I to Bukit Kokol. We stopped along the rides and checked out Kasih Sayang Resort. Later, took the shortcut to Inanam and went to Kiansom Waterfall. The place was kind of dark and the water was so cold. It sort of gave me chills and weird vibes that someone has died there. At least, we managed to snap a few pictures using Beck's hp. Mine was sadly out of memory and the battery was running low. Huhu. After that, hedrove us to Inanam for Pisang Hijau. <3 Bro had to buy something and Beck & I bought sates and chicken wings. I bought 'buntut ayam'. Ate in the car, I finished mine quickly. Beck gave us all sates. :)) Then, Larry drove each of us home. Thanks dude for the day! :D

Moments I won't forget. I hope Becky uploads the photos soon! ^-^

Well, I'm out. Currently at home, with my two nephews now.
Nat & Syafiq. Sigh. Too bad I had to turn down going out with that person today.
I ended up saying that I was sorry and couldn't make it because of my nephew...
And even said, maybe next time?
That person replied, "It's ok.. Next time is a must ^^"

~~You see what I have to deal with...~~Sigh <3

HAPPY RAYA!

2010-09-12T19:07:00.006+08:00

See what I’ve done and haven’t.

~~Graduated High School.~~ (Well, I'm in Form Six now so that counts in a not-so-much way)
~~Kissed someone.~~ (Mostly family members & friends. Duhhh. Nobody special YET.)
Smoked a cigarette. (No thanks, I'm not interested in that sh*t)
~~Got so drunk you passed out~~. (Lol! Thanks to boredom and some scotch~ Drank alone bha)
Rode every ride at an amusement park. *wish list* (Come on, Disneyland!!!)
~~Collected something really stupid~~. (I collect memories- some are weird like cans & plastic cup. I know, I'm weird.)
~~Gone to a rock concert~~. (Only in my living room~ There was once the Merdeka concert and Ella was singing a rock song. Does that count? HAHA)
~~Helped someone.~~ (Of course! :P)
~~Gone fishing.~~ (I think so, but the memory is pretty faint.)
~~Watched four movies in one night~~. (Oh yeah, I can't recall all of them now though :/)
~~Gone long periods of time without sleep~~. (Hours are long- so that counts! Aha. I think, I've gone two days without sleeping once. Almost 3, I think.)
~~Lied to someone~~. (I'm not proud of it/Haven't we all done this?)
Snorted cocaine. (Nope, not in this life time.)
~~Failed a class~~. (Definitely!)
Smoked weed. (Never have & never will)
Dealt drugs. (HAHA! You think?)
~~Been in a car accident~~. (Yup, in second or third grade. I distracted my mum about food than our car crashed into this other one and well...yeah. It was one of the worst nights of my life.)
Been in a tornado. (I don't think we have those here. Well, mini size ones and I've never been inside one before. This sounds stupid.)
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid). (HAHA. FUNNY.)
~~Watched someone die~~. (Well, not in real-life. Through screens...I've watched animals died though. People...? Not in person.)
~~Been to a funeral~~. (Yup...)
~~Burned yourself~~. (I touch fire and I get burn~ So, that counts!)
~~Ran a marathon~~. (Several times...not so fun.)
~~Cried yourself to sleep~~. (Yeah...)
~~Spent over $200 in one day~~. (I think so...I don't really keep track)
~~Flown on a plane~~. (Uh huh :DD)
Cheated on someone. (Well, there's nothing to cheat on when you don't have someone.)
Been cheated on. (Well, there's nothing to be cheated on when *view above reason*)
Written a 10 page letter. (Why would I want to do that???)
Gone skiing. (I wish!)
Been sailing. (I wish!!)
Cut yourself. (Well, not really. I have no interest to do so. No matter, how much I hurt inside.)
~~Had a best friend~~. (Yeah...this is a happy & sad kind of thing to think)
~~Lost someone you loved~~. (*sigh*)
~~Shoplifted something~~. (I'm sorry...I was 7 or 8 and wanted candy.)
Been to jail. (Not yet- HAHA!)
Dangerously close to being in jail. (Nope, not even close~)
~~Had detention~~. (Well, kind of. Though, we don't really have those here.)
~~Skipped school~~. (Yup)
~~Got in trouble for something you didn’t do~~. (Yeah, my homework.)
~~Stolen books from the library~~. (I'm a horrible person...)
Gone to a different country. (NOT YET! SOON PERHAPS.)
Dropped out of school. (Not yet. HAHA)
Been in a mental hospital. (Not yet. HAHA)
~~Watched the “Harry Potter” movies~~. (Of course! They're freaking huge)
~~Had an online diary~~. (And what do you call this one? A book? :P)
~~Fired a gun~~. (Yeah, a water-gun! HAHA)
Gambled in a casino. (NOT YET)
Had a yard sale. (HOW AMERICAN-ISH)
Had a lemonade stand. (HOW AMERICAN-ISH)
Actually made money at the lemonade stand. (HOW AMERICAN-ISH)
~~Been in a school play~~. (Yeah, kindergarten. *snorts*)
Been fired from a job. (Maybe that could happen, if I actually had one in the first place)
~~Taken a lie detector test~~. (OH YEAH! LAST YEAR :DD IT WAS KINDA COOL)
Swam with dolphins. (Dolphin in, me out)
Gone to sea world. (WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ANYWAY?)
~~Voted for someone on a reality TV show~~. (YEAH, DAD ASKED US TO VOTE FOR STACEY AND THAT IF SHE WINS HE'LL GIVE ME & MY SISTER EACH RM50~ GUESS WHO WON? :DD)
~~Written poetry~~. (When I was sad and in love. I've haven't really written anything since Form Five though. I miss poetry, but I can't stand being trapped in my own hopelessness.)
~~Read more than 20 books a year~~. (OH YEAH)
Gone to Europe. (NO...BUT I WANT TO..LIKE SO BAD!)
~~Loved someone you shouldn’t have~~. (2009 & 2010 GREATEST MISTAKE!)
~~Used a coloring book over age 12.~~ (UHH MAYBE?)
Had surgery. (UHH NONE THAT I KNOW OF)
Had stitches. (UHH NONE THAT I KNOW OF)
Taken a taxi. (YEAH)
Seen the Washington Monument. (I GET SLEEP WHEN I READ THIS)
~~Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.~~ (UHH IDK? MAYBE)
Overdosed. (NOO)
Had a drug or alcohol problem. (NOO. ALCOHOL? A LITTLE)
~~Been in a fist fight.~~ ( YEAH)
~~Suffered any form of abuse~~. (YEAH)
Had a hamster. (NOPE)
~~Petted a wild animal~~. (I THINK SO)
Used a credit card. (NO :'[)
Gone surfing in California. (STUPID QUESTION)
Did “spirit day” at school. (WHAAAT?)
Dyed your hair. (NOPE)
Got a tattoo. (NOPE)
~~Had something pierced~~. (YEAH, MY EARS BUT THE HOLES ARE COVERED NOW)
Got straight A’s. (NOPE)
Been on the Honor Roll. (NOPE)
Known someone with HIV or AIDS. (IDK)
~~Taken pictures with a webcam~~. (YEAH HUH)
~~Started a fire~~. (HELL YEAH)
Gotten caught having a party while parents were gone away. (NOT YET)

Found this on Tumbler, a while ago.

My blog has been dead these days, just thought I would post something.

Oh yeah, had fun at Han's open house today.

Wished more people could make it though.
Beck, Leo & I were the only ones who came.

Man, found out a few crazy shocking news...
Which involved scuba diving, marriage and relationships.
I even did something embarrassing that day. >.<
OH realised how much weight I've gained too.

DAMN, I NEED TO START WATCHING WHAT I EAT.

STARTING AFTER...TUESDAY. :P
Because tomorrow and the day after that...I'm going to my classmate's open house.

SO YEAH. I WANT TO REALLY ENJOY MY TIME THERE.

AND DAMN, NEED TO STUDY LIKE HELL TOO!

EXAMS ARE RIGHT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS...DAMN.

Okay, I think this post is pretty long enough.

I want to watch a movie and eat the Pisang Hijau I bought as take-out.

HAPPY RAYA GUYS! ;)

Another post!

2010-09-09T15:27:00.006+08:00

*Just got another text*
*Called the friend and had a 16 minutes 27 seconds chat*

(I'll continue the update about the other missing friend later....sigh.)

Made artificial milk for my nephew.
Watched "Ghost Town".
Now, back on the computer again.

Here's a quote from the movie :
"We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters." - Ghost Town (2008)

Oh yeah, going to my nephew's(30 something years old) wedding reception tomorrow.
They're legally-church married for about 3 months now.
Now, they're having the reception at the bride's side.
I guess, they've been kind of busy as both of them are teachers.
It's at Tudan Village in Ranau. Sleeping over there. Probably be back on Sat.

C= later then!

I'm still breathing.

2010-09-09T15:04:00.003+08:00

Gosh, I haven't blogged in ages. =="

First things first, before I dive into what's bothering me.
Right now, we're currently having our two weeks of holiday.
Yayy! Awesome...but I've been stuck at home for the past four days.
Which sucks if you hadn't already notice...It's Thursday today.
I haven't even held a pen and did any of my schoolwork.
Let alone opened a book to study or revise. *snorts*
To be honest? I'm just totally not in the mood of it.
Fudge it, I want to go out and have some fun with my friends bha.
But as per usual, we can't always get what we want.
That's life. So yeah. Boo hoo. Deal with it.

Okay, I've been actually wanting to update my blog for quite sometime now.
I guess, never really got to it...until this very moment as I'm typing.
So, something has triggered my mind into blogging mood.
What, who and how...you ask??
Well, you'll find out the answers very soon enough.
Ahh. I kinda miss blogging. C=
Okay, yet again. Not the point.
Pace yourself, darlings. I'm getting to it...
So, you see...remember some previous posts ago I said about a missing friend?
You do, you don't? Oh who cares? Okay, I do.
Well, a closed friend of mine who's working in a bakery stall just texted me saying that she saw the so-called missing friend coming to the shop to buy cakes??
Okay, the hell is going on...??
I've been constantly worrying and wrecking my brain figuring out what's happened to her.
And out of no where, a text comes in saying that... Tutt beli kuih tdi..
I am a little furious, somewhat relieved and f*cking curious than ever!!
Girl, I need some answers =.="

Edit : Damn, I sound angry and obnoxious.

Still holding back...

2010-08-01T00:15:00.008+08:00

So, it's been a while since I've blogged about things so candidly...

As usual, sh*t happens and time passes whether we like it or not.

I've been dealing with strained and uncomfortable relationships with so-called friends and classmates. I think, "the issue" has died down a bit- with me having chicken pox and stuff. Things have forever changed since that last confession I've made. Sigh. Why the hell did I Iet myself get so carried away with these stupid thoughts and feelings??? On top of that, thinking that IT was okay to feel that way and also that I was fine about concealing it from everyone that I knew. I guess, it was only a matter of time before I blew my cover and spill the beans. Anyway, there's not much that I can do now. The damage's been done. I'm just going to have to deal with it and MOVE ON like any other person would and should.

Whatever. 

There's so many other things to worry about other than this puny incident here.
Like, family, assignments and exams..!!

Chicken Pox

2010-07-31T23:34:00.004+08:00

Yup. The title says everything.
I have freaking chicken pox.
Pop that bottle of champagne & let's get f*cking wasted.

Sorry, I'm just being a sarcastic miserable cow.
This blows more than a slut.
I want to go to school and am missing out on everything. :(

And that's about it.

Drafted post on 10th July 2010, Sat - MUET result?!

2010-07-15T21:21:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah, I got Band 4 for my MUET! :D

Grateful, definitely. 21 marks to Band 5...Hahahaha!
Too bad that Jane and some of my other friends didn't reach the qualified band.
I feel the need to help them out... Especially, Janeffer! :(

I'm glad and sad at the same time...I'm 'slad'. Huhu.

In other news, going out to Pizza Hut later this evening.
A friend is picking us up! :D
I was actually having mixed feelings about it...
'cause a certain someone won't be there.
Then again, this could be good practice on forgetting these feelings.
Something to remind myself
that 'I can still be happy and have fun without that person around'.
It's just much better when that person is there, that's all...

Okay, enough of the personal issues.

PS. A drafted post from last week.

...

2010-07-10T13:09:00.003+08:00

“It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on.” - I re-blog that quote on Tumblr, a while ago.

Guess what? Last week, I confessed my feelings for someone. I said I hoped that we would just stay friends, but I'm not sure anymore. I'm acting all weird again. I've tried sorting this out with some of my friends. They've all gave me some helpful advices. And I've been trying to take those words under my wing. It seems to be doing well. My head and my heart are feeling much better than before too. So, let's just see how it goes then.

Here are some of the wise words they've told me :

"Masalahnya dr ko, kmi bukan ko..kami hanya bleh ckp sja"

"Jan terlampau fikir psal dia"*

"Dari ko sja bha tu" *
"Buat besa ja bha"*

...repeatedly heard the last three from different people!

Over and out.

It's Complicated~

2010-06-29T18:31:00.000+08:00

So, we meet again...

Hey. A lot has been going on lately. Attended 4 weddings in a month. One for every weekend. Same day too. Saturday. First was my cousin's wedding. Then, nephew's. Later on, went to KL to attend my brother's wedding there. Last week, was the final one. My newly-married brother and his new family came down here in Sabah to celebrate at the village. This consequently made me missed out on all three classes of RCIA. They started singing before the opening prayer. I feel so awful for not coming and forgetting to tell them where I was. I did typed out a two-paged text message regarding my absences, but didn't manage to press the 'Send' button. And ended up, saving in the drafts folder. I guess, I was waiting for the right time. Then, "the right time" never came... So yeah. I'm awful. Anyway, during the weddings...got a little too friendly with the kiddos back at the village. Seriously wore me out, but in a good way! I enjoyed myself to say the very least. Well, parts of them could have been a little better. No complains though.

Anyway, a whole lot of other stuff happened too.
I treated my friends to lunch and karaoke-ing, last Friday. One is to make up for accidentally deleting everything on Et's camera. :(( I still feel bad when I think about it. Sigh. Another is mainly because of my bro's recent marriage. I was in a generously giving mood and had some cash on me. So, I thought- why not? I was actually planning to treat them to a movie, but my phone broke down the night before. And it was near midnight when I pm-ed one of them on fb. So, yeah. In the end, we all got wet because of the pouring rain! And the rest is history. It was too late when I realised that the machine had MCR's songs on them. We've already checked out. Oh well. At least, now I know right?

Putting aside all the worldly pleasures now. Some other stuff, some sight and a person and a friend shattered my heart over and over again that day. I know, I have no right to feel and want what's not mine...but I do feel it and I do want it. And I'm scared to shit that people will find out about it. Sigh. I hate my complicated-self-inflicted character. I understand that it gives people a hard time on understanding my uncertain nature. I screw with people's head about nothing and act out recklessly. My horoscope says that I'm supposed to be one of the straight-forward ones. I'd like to be, but that's just it...I'm not! All I feel like doing is escaping from reality. This is not right. "Two wrongs, doesn't make a right." RIGHT?? Great. I'm talking to myself again.

Okay, it ends here.
Btw, before I forget...tomorrow is Desiree Frenche Ogak's 19th Birthday.
Desi, If you happen to read this or anyone else for that matter, please let her know that Farina misses her friendship and just wants to wish her a "Happy 19th Birthday!!" I hope God will bless you always. I miss you! Hope to see you again soon!!! Btw, the house is now slumber-party-appropriate. So, whenever you're ready...I'll be here waiting...with pillows, some movies, a guitar and some snacks for us to chow down to. Plus, a whole lot of stories. I'm sure you have more going on than me, right? =) Well, I can't guarantee that it won't be awkward or I'll probably end up doing all the listening more than the talking part. Lol. But it will be US. =) Having you back in my life would be in one of the top in my wish-list. So, if you happen to see her and read all of these. Please let her know. Thank you, I will be forever in your debt. ;P

Until next time!

Heartache & Bitterness

2010-06-27T23:42:00.004+08:00

Dear strange beautiful being,

Is your status directed towards me? Am I really messing with your head...THAT much?? Am I really that complicated for you to understand? Have you REALLY spent the past few days thinking and wondering about my issues and strange ongoing behaviour?? Why I won't talk to you as much as I talk to the others, why I am so mean to you all the friggin' time, then suddenly act nice out of no where, why I avoid you most of the time...why I duck out when you want to take photos of me..Why I can't say the reasons to anyone... Especially, to you & my friends.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW??? ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO????

It hurts. It hurts a little too much.
I die a little inside everytime I see you.
And I can't stand...the pain anymore.

I hate re-dos. Ugh!

2010-06-10T14:34:00.003+08:00

Damn it. I hate re-doing my blog.
Before I typed out my frustrations here. Oh! hoho! Which, I will.
I just want to apologize for the weeks of missing updates.
SO, SORRY! D:

I'm not sure if anyone really anticipates my posts,
I know some people read them though.
&& that just makes me feel awesome inside. =) Heh.
Thank you for paying a speck of attention to my blog!
Even though, sometimes I tend to make overly-long entries.
That tires out my mind and even my fingers.
(and I'm sure it'll tire out your eyes too)
Anyway, back to being pissed.
Yesterday, I typed out a pretty decent post but now it's gone!

Efforts gone to waste. Sigh.
Oh well, I won't let that get me down.
I'll just make another one, a better one.

I will avenge myself! Hahaha :D

P/S - IT'S THE HOLIDAYS AND I'M TOTALLY AVOIDING MY ASSIGNMENTS!
I'M ASKING FOR HELL, THAT'S WHAT.

EXAM WEEK~ (PART 3) FINAL! BUT...SH*T HAPPENS. GRR

2010-05-15T21:20:00.514+08:00

This has been the toughest week yet. D:

A lot of awful things happened... Grr.

Although, thanks to the few angels who came - helped shined some light in these darkest hours. :)

~~Okay, let's get this over with... (I have to do this massive Art project later)~~

Monday - SEJARAH (KERTAS 2) & PENGAJIAN PERNIAGAAN (KERTAS 2)

We were in no absolute mood to take any tests. I was, at least. Sigh. I only answered two essays out of four. I could remember it well because it was the essay that our original history teacher taught us, last year. As opposed to the replacement one. Which to be frank, her teachings lack the fire that burns our desire and passion to learn. Haa. PP was so-so. Nothing much to say there. I handed in both of the test papers early- before the time was up. Honestly, I had nothing more to add. I could- but as I said before. My mind wouldn't let me go any further. Later, went to the library...Et was waiting for us there. Haha. Poor kid. The test each lasted 3 hours for both of the subject. She dropped Maths, so she didn't have any other paper to take after history. That also means, she waited for almost 3 hours in the library. We were planning to get some practice and do some discussion for the MUET speaking test. Which was the next day, Tuesday. Head-teacher of the library asked us me to prepare questions for an upcoming quiz. It's on diseases like Bird Flu and Influenza A (H1N1). Beck helped me out as we practiced on out MUET. There was supposed to be another person, Sham. Although, she went home early. Elvy tagged along. We laughed silly. Bro wasn't in the mood for games. She was worried about the test... Kakak was also there- watching us make a fool of ourselves. Jane didn't come to school. We all walked home together. Speaking in English halfway, then back to Malay again.

Tuesday, the big speaking test day!
It was okay. Everyone was nervous at first. In the morning, we were scolded by Pn Niti regarding our Art project- in front of everyone in the canteen. Humiliating. We were there to buy food, instead we were full from hearing her words. Ouch. Plus, nobody told her that we were having MUET that day. She was pissed and worried about our Art Project. It took as sometime to get over it. Grr. We did some practice before the test started. It was conducted in the library. We were all quarantined inside the Bilik Gerakan. Which is connected to the school's library. The examiners called each group one by one and after finishing- we were asked to leave the premises and throw away any papers inside before exiting. We weren't allowed to bring any papers outside. We took our bags and scurried away. I'm proud of Broworlleika. Hee. She spoke a lot and more than usual during the test. I'd say we each done a fairly good job. ET and I had our differences at some point. We were both reaching the climax and firing at each other. :) Good times. Hahaha! I ended the discussion. We were the third or was it fourth group- that was called? After that, we went to the canteen to grab a bite to eat- while waiting for the others to finish. Elvy's group was the last one. Et wasn't so satisfied with her work, she felt that she could have done better. That goes the same for me. I stuttered a bit and slurred on my words. I hope it wasn't that obvious. :/ So yeah. Chatted and ran into some juniors from Police Cadet there. Got harass and harassed them back. Hahaha. Later, went to the loo. Et changed her clothes and wore slippers. Looked for Becky & Jane, but couldn't find them anywhere. Sent Sham outside. Beck & Jane was still a no-show. Tried calling Becky several times. No answer. I didn't bring my hp. So, got the number from Et's phone. We used the public phone to call her. Then, decided to look for them in class. Nobody was there. Except for our PP teacher- Mr Geoprey. Who was handling the Lower Six's registration. Gave up. Bro, Et & I waited for Elvy's group to finish outside the library- near the staircase. Moments later, they appeared! Elvy, Ameer & Larry. Ging Karas Form Six..! Hahahaha. Elvy and Et had Karate practice at 3PM. It was still early, barely 12PM. The teacher said we could go home once we were done. Et wanted to go to my house and hang out there, but I said my dad might be home. So, instead we all went for Roti Canai near All Saint's. Et, Elvy, Bro & I. Haha. Stayed there for almost 2 hours. Mostly talking and b*tching about stuff. We were relieved from MUET but stressed out about Art. :/ Two teachers ate in the same restaurant as us. Haha. Awkward. Thankfully, they were evening session teachers. Even so, they thought we must have skipped classes or something. 'Cause they gestured at their watches and mentioned how early we were..? Wtf. Haha. We took pictures too. You can see them on Et's Facebook. (promote mah..hahaha) We took more before parting ways- they were going back to school for Karate while Bro and I were heading home. At least, that was our so-called plan. I managed to persuade her to crash my crib and get started on our Art project. Huhu. My head hurts from trying to translate English into Malay words. We watched 'Wondergays' and looked for 'Lady-gago' too. Hahah.

Wednesday - no more exams! (for now)
We had class as usual. Got some homework for P.AM & SEJ. Had some conflict today with our BM teacher. Bro faced the teacher and the principal. It was a re-act of yesterday's scenario with Pn Niti again. What happened? Recess time, we were about to buy food. When suddenly, Pn Lily called her out. She got bombed by the two school authorities for her tardiness and missing out on exams without any valid excuse. Grr. :( It was a tough day for her. I feel awful. Sigh. :(( Oh yeah, some old friends came by to school today too. :) Mar, Han & Ros. Hehe. It's been a while, so it was great seeing them again! Hehehehe. We were late for the evening class because we spent hanging out and stuff. Hee. It was worth it! Miss them already. Huhu. I didn't feel so great though 'cause some of my friends felt kinda left out. Meanwhile, we all helped planned a friend's surprised visit for his girlfriend. Haha. Safwan was coming back, but Bro thinks it was the next day. She was shocked, of course. We made sure that she didn't know about it. We were all in on the act- me, et, elvy, jane, beck & meer. Hehe. Wan suddenly came in prancing through the school's library doors. We laughed out loud- then realised we were in the library for goodness sake! So, tried to controlled our volume. It didn't feel weird at all having him there, like it was as if he never left to go to UITM or something. I told Et, and she agreed with me. XD We were on duty as librarians for the day. Even, Elvy stayed back for the company I guess. :P It was sweet of Wan to surprise Bro like that. Haha. I told him to try to cheer Browor up 'cause she wasn't having such a good day. After librarian duties, Wan treated us to ABCs! Ais Batu Campur. Most of us had Ais Jagung. While, Et and Becky had the usual ABC. :D It didn't taste as good as the last time we ate there. The Ais Jagung was too sweet from the syrup. As for the ABC, the ingredients weren't so fresh and the beans in the ABCs had gone bad. Yuck. I should know, I tasted their ABCs too. D: At least, it was free. Hehe. So, it's all good. :) Still felt stressed about the sh*tty things and pressure from teachers though.

Thursday
Most of the people in my class were missing-in-action. They were involved with this program that was going on in the school hall. Kursus Kepimpinan- for all the Pengerusi and Setiausaha. Et, Beck, Larry, Ameer, Sham and a majority of the Chinese's were participating. Bro was absent again- so that leaves Jane & I to ourselves. Oh and Elvy too. Though, she was mostly busy with her duties as a Head Prefect. Or sleeping , stressing out about things, having fun and being crazy, stressing others out and giving out advises and her honest opinions. Yup, that's Elvy. It was a slow day. During the third and fourth period- cocum time! We had academic- got mixed with two other clubs. BM and the other IDK. We were all asked to make cards for the upcoming Teacher's Day. It involved mainly of cutting, pasting and coloring. I tried to finish mine before recess. Jane wasn't done with hers so the teachers asked her to continue later and hand it in by today. We ate and ran into Becky and the others. They seemed busy so decided not to bother. In class, was bored out of my mind. Teachers were busy with activities too. Elvy was tired and stressed out. So, she slept. I secretly took photos of her dozing off. :P Hey, I was bored. I saw Pn Niti talking to her in the morning. We were downstairs for the Police Cadet meeting. After 10 minutes or so, Pn Niti was still there talking to her. So, you can imagine the pressure of the conversation. Jane was busy finishing up her card. So, I thought I would go to the library and type out the quiz Teacher Annie asked me to do yesterday. Typed and chatted with Kakak in the library. She asked about the others. Not long after that, Elvy came in the library. After half-an-hour or so, she called me and said that it almost time for Pn Niti's class. It was supposed to be MUET, but since MUET was over. The Art students were asked to go to Art class to finish up their Projects instead. Went back to class with Elvy trailing behind 'cause she gets stuck with people talking to her. Popularity over-rules. :O Saw Jane was making her final finishing touches on her card- wait, she made two cards! Ohoho. I guess, she must have gotten bored too. XD They weren't in no hurry to get to Art class. Elvy continued sleeping. Haa. The others were playing and joking around. I took photos of them. Hoho. It was past the time, we hurried over. Saw that Pn Niti was with the juniors. She saw us and asked us to come in- so we shared a class with the juniors. Pn Niti babbled on about her subject. She touched a sensitive issue and began to tear up. We handed her a tissue. Then, the juniors' class was over and they left. We- form sixes, were asked to stay there. Pn Niti went through the Art Project with us. Asked us if we knew what we had to do. We had no clue. There was only a few of us there. Christina, Janeffer, Elvy, Dorothy and yours truly. There were supposed to 16 of us, but the others couldn't make it. She explained and helped us out with the project, but told us not to tell this to Teacher Dzul. Anyway, yeah. Well, Jane handed in her cards. History was fun- Beck & Et were back. :D However, something unfortunate happened after that. Beck's hp was stolen in class. D: Stupid thief! It was third time this year. :(( BM was uh BM. Stayed back in class, Wan came by. Too bad Bro wasn't around though. :/ Craziness happened in class. Elvy showed her dance moves! We were like WOAH. Took pictures to release some tension. Even Sham was there. Waiting for her car. It was already raining. We walked home and rode the bus together. Still feeling a bit down from the terrible events that occurred on the previous days. :/

Friday
It started out awful, as I arrived late for school. I didn't feel like going - to be frank, but I've already promised to go out with some old friends. So, I couldn't back away from that right? I decided to face the consequences of being late. I was angry at first- mainly, on myself. I got over it, I guess. Faced Pn Lily again. Ugh. I'm so sick of it. She asked us to write an essay blahblahablah. The others were asked to write for 350 words. While, Form Six- just me. 700 words. D: At least, I wasn't SO bored. Right, who am I kidding? Hahaha. Third and fourth period was cocum. Uniform! Police Cadet. Et escaped- joining Elvy and Sham to Karate. Hahaha. Traitor. Teacher Lina Dang told us on Wednesday that she wants us to clean up the store room and her table. Haha. Et's been active in Karate lately. Anyway, yeah. We helped cleaned up. Mostly the juniors did the job. We just stood idly- waiting to go through the next step. The teacher told us about the upcoming camps(NOOO)- one's in school for this month while another is in July(involving other schools as well), I think. And the shooting activity(OH YEA) in Sipitang is next month- June! Only 10 people are chosen for this. Et & I managed to persuade the teacher to take the Form Six students as it was our last year. :P Excited! We went to recess early 'cause of the meeting ending so soon. Lalala~ Skip skip. I was done with the essay. Finally, I thought it was 700 over, but turns out I only made it to 500++ hahaha. -.-" What can you do? I was teased by my classmates throughout the day. Hey, it wasn't so bad. Haha. Et, Bro, Beck and I walked together to the bus stop. Jane was absent. Hoho. I followed Beck to her house to change clothes. It took us a while. We arrived at 1 something in the evening, I think. Then, met up with the gang at CP. :) We had McD. Saw Han & Ros at the counter. While, Mar, Khai & her Sis where at the table already. :)) Talked for sometime after ordering. The person gave me take-out by mistake. Idiots. Maybe because I was carrying my schoolbag that made me look like I was in a hurry? Heh. While I munched through my burger and talking, Beck suddenly said she saw Wan. Haha. Funny coincident, I looked behind and there he was with his brother. And I thought, there was a girl sitting beside him. XD Thought we would say a quick hello that probably end up being 10 or 15 minutes. Haha. And there was no girl. Hahaha. After that, we went up for Kbox. An hour and 30 minutes. It was fun :) until the power got cut-off. That made us wait more or less 8 minutes? I don't know, felt like ten. Total rip-off and mood ruiner- if you ask me. :/ It felt short. Han was in a hurry to get home, Mar went suspiciously missing(ahem! hehehe) and I think Khai's Sister was bored(lmao). XD Ros wasn't that into singing too. It's a bummer that we missed bowling though. Plus, Beck & I were too occupied to get our minds off school. Grr. Oh I lost a bundle of cash too on the way to the Kbox. Maybe around RM18? Haha. I am such an idiot. Mar and Beck said they saw someone picking up a thick rolled-up 1 Ringgits by a fat guy and his son...but they didn't know it was mine. Sh*t. There goes all the bills I saved up. -.-" It's my fault for being so careless. Anyway, it's just money. I've gotten over it. At least, no one got hurt. Just my wallet- figuratively speaking, I don't really use one. Haha. Han gave Beck & I a lift home. Thank you dear. And also everyone for the outing! :)) When I got home, I fix my bike and pumped air into its wheels. And rode until I was friggin' exhausted. :)

Saturday
School day. Right. General Studies, Business and Malay. Supposed to go out with Wan and the gang, after school...but it was raining heavily. Had to cancel it. Poor guy, though. He stayed at CP all alone. Felt guilty about it. Plus, mum wouldn't let my friends hitch a ride on our car. The air-conditioner in the car was broken, she said. Plus, we had to pick Nat up from the Nursery. Whatever. Felt sulky about it. She gave me a RM 10 reload. I used it for Internet on my phone. Our Internet at home was still cut, back then. Plus, I couldn't ride the bike to get all the negative energy out. So, I slept through the misery. I had to e-mail out some scanned childhood photos and edited background images for my brother's wedding invites. My bro has been calling and texting about it. Felt pretty pressured since it's been long overdue. About three weeks then. Police Cadet and the Exams had been keeping me busy, I guess. School was a prison. -.-" The Internet was still not back on. Mum went to the Post Office to get the bills sorted. She came back and said that the Post Office was already closed. Made a decision to go to a Cyber Cafe. I just couldn't take it any longer. It was still raining a bit, drizzling matter-of-factly. Saw a dog dying in the drain. One of it's eyes poking out. It was still alive- trying to blink its eyes but his one of its eyeballs got in the way. I was so crushed at the sight and almost puke my guts out. It was just so awful and sick to witness. :(( I shook my head at the tragedy and crossed the road to the cyber cafe. Spent an hour there, e-mail and attached all the 41 copies of photo onto the e-mail. After that, Facebook. Then, walked my way home. The Internet was back on when I got to my house. Well, that was a complete waste of utter space. At least, I went out for a walk. Even though, I had to see such despicable inhumanity on the way. It shall haunt me forever.

Sunday, as usual- went to Church. Then, the RCIA class. Accompanied a friend until she got into the bus. Arrived to an empty house. Probably spent watching tely, on the computer and doing some measly chores. Okay, I'm shutting up now.

Late entry- sorry about that.
It'll try to update faster.

Until then, peace to you all. :)

EXAM WEEK! (PART 2) SEQUEL~ HEH

2010-05-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA.
Sheesh.

I saved a pretty long entry in the draft and ended up erasing the whole thing.
I feel ridiculous, at this moment.

Let's just quickly get over with the exams and the other past events, shall we? :)

Last week!
Thursday - BAHASA MELAYU (SUBJECTIVES & ESSAYS) & PENGAJIAN AM (OBJECTIVES)
Died and gone to heaven, but was sent back to Earth because The Big Guy said that it wasn't my time to go yet. Heaven was so beautiful, but I missed the people below. Right. That's just me being exaggerating how tough the test was- sarcastically. :)

Friday - SENI VISUAL (SUBJECTIVES & ESSAYS) & MUET (LISTENING)
I didn't prepared a thing for both! I did read a little before the exams for Art, but it was useless anyway. Why? Because it didn't came out in the test. That's what you get for not really studying. Damn it. MUET? It's the school's test. We're actually done with the real test. So, it's not that important anymore. Now, there's some other sh*t to focus on. After school, Et, Bro, Beck & I went to Inanam for some Pisang Hijau. Hohoho. Et & I kept bring up how hot the day was. Then, the others just nodded in agreement. Haha. We waited for more than half-an-hour for a bus that wasn't full. Fridays are always busy because everyone's on the road at the same time. We arrived there at 12 something. It was still early. The stall opens at 1 O'clock. At first, I suggested to use the Internet while we waited. Then, there was a no uniform policy. Great. So, we went into Milimewa instead and wasted some time there. Plus, received some free air-conditioned service. Messed with some of the things they sold there. Stuffed animals, fishing equipments, blankets, towels, pillows, slippers and etc. ET & I even battled using a pillow and slippers as weapons. Hahaha. -.-" Yes, kids. Never go to Form Six. It will screw with your head and give you a PHD aka permanent head-damage. XD We checked the time and it just whizzed by. Soon enough, we were at the stall waiting again. Bumped into the same juniors we saw at the bus stop. Decided to share a table with them. The Pisang Hijau stall wasn't opened yet. It was already 1.30PM... We waited and waited some more. More people were coming. Soon it was taken over by loud nosy-underage boys. Haha. Then, around 2 O'clock...they were finally ready to take our orders. Phew. Well, it was worth the wait. I finished mine quickly. Haha. Then, ordered one for take-out so I could bring home for mum. Wished my sis was there. She would have loved to have one too. :/

Saturday - SENI VISUAL (DRAWING NON-LIVING OBJECTS) & MUET (READING & WRITING COMBINED)
OH. We go to school on a Saturday too. It's just another way for the school to torture the students. Lovely, isn't it? Anyway, I struggled through drawing the objects in front of me. The shading part was the worst. I can't differentiate the lighting, tone and the shade of the objects- at all. I just end up sketching out a messy artwork. Woo-hoo. MUET was alright. I happily answered the 30 Objective Questions and a short report on 'Global Warming'. :) No pressure, took my time nice and slow. Haha. Everyone went through the paper fast, while I was still trying my best to answer the questions. :] Beck & Jane followed my car. Bro was absent again. Sigh. Et & Sham was away on some Karate-Do event at the Sports Complex. I had to meet a friend after school, actually. She wanted to borrow some Economy books to use for her exams. Her name's Leo. We were pretty tight during Form Five. The night before, we planned to meet near All Saint's around 12.30PM. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it. Babysitting duty calls. So, I asked Beck to help me pass the book to Leo. Mum dropped them off near All Saint's. Thanks Beck! :)) Although, I wished I heard a 'thank you' note from the other person.. Haha. Well, it doesn't really matter. The point is the objective of the task was achieved. :)

Sunday - off day! No school. Just Church. :))
I'm proud to say that I went to Church early on that day! Haha. What a miraculous thing to happen, I usually arrive more or less than a few minutes before Mass begins. And I was like- half-an-hour there waiting for it to begin. Yes, I'm a horrible Christian that's trying to mend her ways. So, kindly pray for me please. Heh. It's only this year that I've started going to Church own my own. It's definitely a big step up for someone who's only gone there five times(more or less) a year. Gahh. I think, this week would be my 10th week. Woot. Plus, I've became apart of this small community called RCIA. Which stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. I'm trying to get through Confirmation. It's the third stage- after getting baptised and receiving holy communion. Technically, you must get your Confirmation in order to get married in a Catholic Church. Haa. Well, 'marriage' that's kind of a funny thought. So yeah. After that, I went to Karamunsing. Unfortunately, I couldn't find what I was looking for. I ended up buying a strawberry hairband and a green mechanical pencil. I know, wtf right? Then, I got hungry so bought those tiny kaya puffs from that Uncle near the CD store. Later, I went into a book stand besides a party shop. Looked at some magazines while munching on my treats. Finished my food, left the store. Ran into an old friend and her sister- stopped to chat for sometime. Accidentally brought up a sensitive topic- such a conversation killer. Excused myself. Then, went to get a smoothie. Rode the bus home. Went online for awhile. Then, realised I had to hang the laundry. Blah blah blah..carried the dried clothes. Later, it started to rain heavily. Move the clothes. Did the dishes..etc. Listened to my music player while I did the chores. Singing along loudly. Fought with the rain outside. Trying to clear the drain. It was useless. Went inside and fold the clothes, while watching tv. Coffee Prince and Maid-Sama! was playing on Animax. Heh. My parents and nephew got home pretty late. Eleven-ish, I think. Wished Mum a Happy Mother's Day. Then, gave her a big hug and a kiss. After that, I cooked dinner for mum and Nat(nephew). =)

That's about it.
This week's entry is coming up!!

EXAM WEEK! (PART 1) WEEEHEE~

2010-05-10T00:32:00.002+08:00

I said that I would post about the examination week.
And here I am! Aren't you glad to have a blogger who fulfills her promise?
Hahaha. Right, like anyone is actually paying much attention my pitiful life. :(
Who cares, anyway! Asalkan HAPPY bha kan? EHEHE. BHA sa mo taip sua gia..!

So, here's the lowdown on this weeks' issues.
Exams started on Tuesday.
Monday we had class.
I'm starting to feel resentment towards our Art teacher- who just started teaching in our school, this year. He splattered water on my face, while I was busy drawing. WHAT THE @#$%! Okay, I'm calm. I'm cool. I'M @#$%ING INFURIATED. RRRRAWR. Yes, there's a reason behind everything. So, to be rational and get over the whole ordeal. He did it- as a wake-up call for US. Only I wished he hadn't done it to me 'cause honestly...I was wide awake! And completely aware of THE @#$%ING ART PROJECT THAT WE HAVE TO HAND IN BY THE END OF MAY. Which is THIS MONTH! Sigh. Okay, I wasn't the only who got splattered with water. Becky's water was the offense. The teacher actually splattered water on US- three. Beck, Jane & I. We were sitting at the back row, middle section. I took over Bro's place 'cause she was absent for school. For this week, I think she was absent for 3 whole days. Yes, including the exams. Sigh. It's just very hard to describe the situation she's in. I wished she could live with me, then maybe we both would ALWAYS be in time for school. HAHA. Okay, where was I? Water. Right. The liquid splattered on Beck's shirt but she blocked it a book, the lower part of Jane's face and me- right on my spectacles, disturbing my view! Do you have any idea how annoying it feels when you're concentrating then somebody sprays water on you- impairing you eyesight and literary ruining your whole mood? I still felt pissed during recess, after I got home, during exams- heck I'm annoyed just thinking about that whole incident. Well, to look on the bright sight- At least, it was for a good cause and the water wasn't hot or cold right? I'm not too fond of his teaching methods, but he's the educator and I'm there to absorb the knowledge he possess. So, however you may not like the teacher it is still wrong to be disrespectful to them. Unless, they have gone too far...than that you have to let someone know and let the authorities handle it. Or personal revenge would be sweet too.

Tuesday - PENGAJIAN AM (KERTAS II) & BAHASA MELAYU (KERTAS I)
I was dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Uggggggh. Reminds me how much I loathe exams. D:

Wednesday - SEJARAH (KERTAS 1) & PENGAJIAN PERNIAGAAN (KERTAS 1)
Much better, but still felt hopeless. ugggggggggh.
Oh, the head librarian assistant a.k.a Kakak Library treated US to roti canai! I don't honestly remember how OUR promised started. I must have babbled something out of the blue. Then, well, weeks later there we are. HAHAHA. :D The following participants were ET, BECK, JANE, BRO & I. We all rode on Kakak's car. HOHOHO. Laughed like a bunch of mental-patients who escaped from the Psychiatric ward @ Hospital Bahagia. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I had laughed so hard for that such a long amount of time. The muscles on my face ached so much. I was literary exhausted and sweating from laughter. HAHAHA! ET laughed like a girlish girl @ real lady- not her usual sobbing tomboy-ish laughter. Which, I've teased dozens of times. She just says, " Ko pernah nampak sa nangis meh?". She has a point, but it still sounds like she's crying to me. Anyway, I've never heard her laughed like that before. It sounded so girly and well funny to my ears. Hahahahahahahahah. Yes, I'm mean. With exception to certain people. *smiles sweetly with a hint of mischief* AND Kakak! Oh my goodness, I know her laugh was a cross between a sheep and a horse's...but that day her laugh was especially bizarre. I said "Bha, cukup! Cukup! SUDAH! HAHAHAH" I was covering my face but still couldn't stop myself from laughing. Idiot. Haa. We laughed at a bunch of things that I can't remember..! Everyone was watching us and I think we spent almost an hour or was it more? ON LUNCH. And it was one of the best times I had! Hahahah! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING, KAK. Great people, good food, big laughs! Good times! :)) xDD :PP (It'll remain as one of my favourite moments) OH I can't wait till Wan comes back..! LOL I miss K-BOX :P Not forgetting, Mar, Ros, Han & Leo too :] Miss them! Desi...sigh. Where is she?

I'll continue this entry later...
It's getting late.

And I have another two more papers tomorrow!
Wish me luck? :D

Have a good late night & early morning!

Toodles. <3

Last week's event. Kadet Polis! salutes

2010-05-08T17:16:00.009+08:00

Time for an update! Woot :))

Okay, the week has been much fun!!! I miss Police Cadet already :( Huhu
Monday and Tuesday were rehearsals for the annual 40th anniversary for Police Day :D
We marched at the Padang Kawad at Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS) under the scorching sun. Unsurprisingly, my face got sunburned. So yeah. :P

Being at school before sun rise, riding together on the police truck and singing songs along the way...with the wind blowing on our face :DD <3 Wished I had joined 'it' during my early years in highschool. Glad I still had a chance to participate though. My first actual experience on marching was last year during the Rakan Muda camp. Haha. It was humiliating being taught how to march...especially, when you're the eldest in the group. >.< Gah. Plus, PMS on the first day of camp and not bringing any 'supplies' was joy-killer and totally spoiling my mood. Haa. Nonetheless, I managed to have fun(thanks to my buddies :D) and unfortunately it was that time that THOSE STRANGE FEELINGS started to SHOW...regarding well, this certain individual. Sigh. Well, we won't go to that. AT least, not now. Heh. Okay, back to last week. On Wednesday, there was no practice or anything...It was our day-off, to rest before the BIG event. Jane & I went to school, while Beck & Bro were absent. Probably still worn-out from the marching drills. Grr. Everyone commented on how dark we have gotten. Hahaha. I remember US pigging out and talking about STUFF. There wasn't really any studying going on. We did oral during English(I mean, MUET hoho), Jane was being her old-ridiculous smiley self. Mei Yee, Jane & I were grouped together since the others of our team mates were M.I.A. I enjoyed our one-on-one discussion and we laughed ourselves silly! XD Hee.

Thursday, THE BIG DAY was here! Marching competition and what not...Sambutan Hari Kadet Polis Ke-40 @ Padang Sukses, UMS. Ohohoho. I think, I already mentioned this. Oh what the heck. :) We didn't win...:(( Sad. In fact, we lost before we even started. Our marching was PRETTY- so I heard from our spectators/viewers. You see, our marks were deducted because three people left the squad during static. Which involves standing straight and trying your best not to move or faint. Haa. Well, everything started to fall apart...when our marker(petanda) was on the verge of collapsing. Her body went jelly. Then, this other girl...Shamimi. Puked her guts out. Okay, dumped a massive pile of liquid on the ground. DX Unluckily, Becky was next to her. Well, Becky had issues with seeing sicknesses like that- she's pretty sensitive with that kind of stuff and uh ghosts too. So, it triggered her weakness-for-gross-things and made her fall to the ground. Sigh. So, that's what happened. They were all escorted out to rest under the shade. Well, what can you do? At least, we did our best. So, that all that matters! Too bad the stupid-ass police didn't saw that. Especially, that so-called coach of ours. Haa. He left right there and then- after seeing the chaos of our squad. And said, "Hancur, hancur...Klo da dapat number, call saya." Huh. All he wants is recognition! Damn it, I was the BIG FAT TARGET before the competition began. When we decided to practice some more. Constant criticism about 'this' and 'that'...He even commented on how I wore my TUDUNG(yes, we ALL wore it) It was my first time wearing it and somebody helped me put it on. I guess, it must have looked wrong. He said, "Pakai tudung pun tidak pandai kah??" and added "Bodoh, bebal" and sh*t like that. Eff him lah. Just because my name sounds like a Muslims' doesn't mean I am one! He was actually aiming us to get NO.3...I guess, we must have shattered his hopes huh? After we marched our proud-asses off, two more people went down. So, that sums up to 5 people that left the squad. Some came back. Which mattered little then. We already knew there was no chance in hell we were going to be ranked top 3. The result? Stella Marris won the big SHA-BANG! Congrats to them :) I like their victory song+dance. I think, St Francis Convent or was it SMP Second..? Shan Tao was third. Or was that the guys' category. Okay, I'm getting confused. Ha ha! Overall, it was greaaaaaaaat and I enjoyed the bitter-sweet experience. Bonded with the juniors and got to spend some quality time with my buddies! Too bad that we couldn't make it to the Art exhibition on Monday due to some misunderstanding / miscommunication / failure to communicate / no mutual understanding between peers. (Yes, I like to use lots of words that mean the same- helps me to brush up on mi language hihihahahuhu -.-") Then, Friday...we went to school received some more comments about our skin tones lol. It was Aina's birthday(classmate), we took pictures and mostly hung out. TGIF! Only two subjects for the day! :D Too bad. Someone was M.I.A due to her female issue. I was a little disappointed, but glad in a way. Don't mind me. I'm just being strange. :)

All's well that ends well~
PS. I HAVEN'T seen THAT INDIAN POLICE OFFICER SINCE OUR LAST ENCOUNTER. HAHA.
WHICH I HOPE WILL BE OUR LAST. GRR.

Edit : sorry for the late post, this was meant for last week. I'll post about the exam week next! It's this week. >.<

Hey, look typography graphics! Haha.

2010-04-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

Pretty much sums up what's going on in my head, at the moment.
Like I haven't already blogged and type out the words out right? Haa.
Hope you find these typography to your liking. :)
All taken from Tumblr.
Later then!
Gotta get my things ready for tomorrow's
Art exhibition & marching rehearsal.
Both are at the same place! UMS!!
Ohoho!
Too bad a certain someone won't be there. :/
Good night :)

I believe everyone has three lives ; a public life, a personal life and a secret life.

2010-04-25T22:58:00.006+08:00

Tomorrow I have to be at school around 5.30AM.
And yet, here I am...on the computer, blogging.
What the heck is wrong with me?? Sigh.

So upon recent,
a lot of people have been telling me to chill out and relax. I know, I should. It's for the best- without a doubt. I can't help it though if I'm a human being capable of expressing my emotions with outbursts of words. Sigh. Don't mind me, I'm just rambling as usual. I can be such a pessimistic and sarcastic person at times. Most of the time, I don't show it. I'm just a being; self-conflicted with feelings and mind.

There's this big puzzle going on in my head that I'm trying to solve about a missing someone. A friend very dear to my heart who's been missing for almost a month from now. I am utterly in despair at the thought of not knowing where and how she's doing. Worried, terrified, aghast and whatever words that show the same kind of emotion! I've tried calling her many times as well as her other family members! Result? Na-da. I can't get through to any of them. Stupid female voicemail receiver. Eating up my credit like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Well, it's thanks to this social networking site too. If I hadn't seen all the comments left on her wall-page. I still would have been in the dark and thought that she was too busy studying or something. Sigh. I don't know what's worse...not knowing about her issue before this. Or after knowing about it, but still completely clueless of the details behind everything. Sigh. I just hope she's okay and doing well. May God bless her and her family and protect them all from any form of harm. It's disappointing and saddening to think how she's unwilling to share her current situation with her peers and the people who really do care about her. Although, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for what she's doing. I just hope everything is okay. (Oh please, let everything be okay...) There's still a lot of unfulfilled promises that we owe to each other. I hope things will clear out soon. Only God knows what's happening and how it will turn out. I'll definitely be keeping her in my prayers...

After typing all of that, my luckless romance seem to matter too little now. I'm being a major fool by texting this person when I should be avoiding all contact as necessary as possible. That's not the right way is it? I hate not telling this to anyone. All I can do is blog about private things that leave other people's minds wondering what's wrong with me. I'm a coward and I don't fight. I'm inexperienced; so I run and hide. I come out cold but I'm paranoid inside. I'm scared that if I do finally reveal this bizarre side of me than the torturing gazes of prejudice and judging will come. Not that, it's not already happening now. I'm worried that it might get worse. I am such a hypocrite that I'm too ignorant to realise it. Secrets are eating me from inside. I feel like I might die if I try to confess. At the same time, confessing and draining out all the dark secrets and coming out of the closet would be the most tempting act ever. Just imagine unloading years of burden and hidden information locked inside your head. I think, I might actually be a happier and more honest me.

I miss her ever so much :((
If I do get to see her again, she'll be the first person I will share ~~my secrets~~ with...

By the way, if communication was supposed to make everything better...
Then, why do I feel like everything is just getting more difficult?

Maybe I just think too much, that's all.

Until then,
hope you're doing much better than I am! :)

tough week. grr

2010-04-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

My last post was about the death of my cat, Oki. :'[ Missing it dearly!

It's been a tough week and I survived through the bitter experience and grueling marching practices. As well as Saturday's MUET (Reading), (Writing) & (Listening). I managed to answer all the questions. I hadn't had enough time for the reading part(objective questions), I babbled my way through the essays(considering my blogging experiences) and the listening bit- I think I did a fairly okay job on it. There's still the Speaking Test left. Which will be two weeks from now. So, there's still time to make preparations and get some practice with the group. Which are Sham, Et, Bro & yours truly.

Last week, we were busy with Police Cadet's marching practices. To be honest, I don't like the trainer much(police officer). He's only 21 years old(two years elder than us- form six) and has an ego the size of the country. Seriously, he's rude and looks down at Sabahans. (Eee! Mentang-mentang lah dari Semenanjung. Berlagak macam tahi!) He even says that Sabahans are idiots! It just gets on my nerves. Well, yeah he may be knowledgeable in his work field, has a cool & steady manner but his intention on training us doesn't seem to be genuine. I almost fainted so I raised my hand to be excused. He said I was weak and sh*t like that. Get over it, dude! I had class from 7 in the morning until 1.30PM. Then, I have to join your ridiculous training at 2PM until 5PM. F*ck, go ahead and say what you want. Damn it, I can take it. That was Tuesday. Somehow that little incident stayed in his head, I don't know why. To days after, same routine. I must have seem tired so I looked at some green scenery to lessen the fatigue. Then, he looks at me and says "Apasal ko, Farina? Kenapa mo pengsan?? Mo mampus???" That made me angry! Seriously, what the hell?! HAHA. What a total numbskull and asshole. Who does he think he is to be taking to someone like that?? Sure, he's someone of authority and power but that still doesn't give him the right to belittle me like that!! Thank goodness, I've gone through worst things than that. So, I was too immune and void of emotion to put up with his asshole-ness with sh*t happening around me. Cursing just proves how enraged I am. Ugh.

Anyway, won't be long now until it ends, next Thursday is the Competition. We're going to compete against other squads from other schools at the UMS's field. Monday to Wednesday will be marching rehearsals. If we win, the policeman will bring us to the shooting range in Sipitang. Where we will get to hold real-life guns and shoot with live ammunition. I'm excited about going on that trip. I hope we'll do well in the competition, not wasting our efforts and hours of hard training! So, we'll be excuse from school the whole four days! The week after that will be exams! Sigh. Busy, busy, busy...

There's still some things I want to blog about, but time is of the essence.
I'm trying hard to get over someone, it's difficult when that person's face seem to gleam so brightly. UGH. I should stop. Whenever I have strange thoughts about this person, I tell myself "Enough is enough. Get over it." Then, I look away.

That's all for now.
Gotta get up for Church in the morning.
Night.

R.I.P OKI

2010-04-20T19:14:00.001+08:00

This is probably one of the worst days of my life.

Waking up to the sound of the person that thinks 'all-your-friends-are-better-than-you'.
Making you feel like you're never gonna amount to anything...
but a worthless piece of sh*t & being reminded of it for every single f*cked-up day.
Taking a bath; listening to the dogs barking at 'something' that you thought was nothing.
Finding out that nothing you thought of was really something...
and not in a good way too.
It turns out that 'something' so happens to be one of the worst things that could happened to you. Strapped in only a towel as I went to fetch my undergarments ; in horror as I waited...of the events that were about to unravel in front of my very eyes.
The barking sound- the cat meowing and hissing in defense.
The aggressive beast in black that lived next-door to us...
and the cat that my Sister gave me when it was still a kitten just before she left to return to her University. Everything fell into place ; I screamed and shouted at the dog to back off. I could see trickles of red substance on my kitty's fur. The dog seem agitated and started to bark insanely-louder ; becoming more aggressive. My darling cat crouched in defense with pointed-ears and all...against the amplified nuisance of that hideous creature. Oki then hid in a shrub, the dog went to chase after it, circling around the plant and following Oki's every move- making it entirely impossible to co-exist an escape route for my poor little feline. I yelled louder and more to refrain the worst from happening.Then, seconds later the dog had my cat in its mouth. Taking it by the stomach; and yanking it like a chew toy but with more force. I felt so helpless...all I could do was stare at the scene- knowing the pain that my cat went through. Not long after that, my mom saw me and heard the noise. She told me to get ready for school; that's when the waterworks started.

I wasn't even sure I would make it to school, but I did- without being late.
No more warm greetings, purring, seeing you sleeping on the couch when I get home from school.
Hearing you begged and meow for food when I've just fed you.
Having you followed me around the house.
Having you meowing at my door to let you in.
Having you sleeping in front of the monitor and sometimes blocking the screen.
Having you sleep on my lap as I used the computer or watching the tv.
Having you follow me when I go outside to hang the clothes, throw out the rubbish, go to the front door, the kitchen, bathroom, backyard, upstairs...and every other place.

No more you in my life.
May you forever rest in peace my dear precious feline-friend.

I'm sure you are in a better place right now.

It's been a painful day.
I wished you were still her to comfort me on a tough day.

XOXO

...the virgin suicides.

2010-04-17T22:43:00.004+08:00

Sorry for the previous long-scary post.

I was surprised myself. -.-"

I need to interact with people on a daily basis- more.

I was watching this today. "The Virgin Suicides",
it's about...

A group of male friends become obsessed with a group of mysterious sisters who are sheltered by their strict, religious parents after one of them commits suicide.
- copied and paste from imbd.com.

A unique portrayal of the end of innocence...transforming the pangs of adolescent infatuation into a gothic tale of unfulfilled desire.

These suicidal sisters end their lives one by one.
It's quite tragical, but there's something beautiful about it too.

Okay, all these typing is making me hungry.
=O

"I just have a lot of issues." - Movie Quote from 'Mean Girls'.

2010-04-17T21:51:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been one heck of a week!

Let's see...

Monday & Tuesday

I was praised by teachers for my work in Art class on the first two days. Yes, self-praise. How vain. Later, found a dead bird on my table after Art class on Tuesday. Poor dead birdie. Some people said it flew into one of the five fans in our class. Beck and Jane hung out at my house after-school with a ride that we hitched from Ah Lok. Jane lay the poor thing on a shrubby-looking tree near my home. (Birds' eggs are laid in nests of trees. So it wouldn't be a bad idea if we discarded it there right?) I had another notion to bury it at my backyard but feared the dogs might dig it up.

Wednesday

The next day, suffered for coming to school a-minute-and-a-half late. My bag was confiscated and I couldn't enter class until after 12.15AM. I sat there waiting idly until my butt got sore- okay, not really. I read the articles of the Reader's Digest that my mum had subscribed to for the year. I even sneaked into class on the second period when Cg. Richard ask me to go to this other class to remind them about something. Before that, Pn. Lily- my BM teacher had me counting papers and did some moderate calculations. Cg. R also gave a lecture on 'punctuality' to some friends & I- last week. I think, it was on Tuesday. Bro, Jane & I were all late. Such a funny coincidence! Anyway, @#$% these rigid school rules. Did you know that the prefects have to check our pockets after recess too? Macam lah orang maw seludup dadah @ brgn b'senjata api. Ish ish ish. Kin stress sja. Haha. There's some perks to it too, gives us something more to talk about. Hahaha. Okay, where am I now? I'm not even done with thrashing about Weds. After recess, they made an announcement for all the police cadet members to gather in front of the staff room. I wouldn't have been bothered with this if I was in class with the others, but since I was already downstairs- being punished. So, I thought I checked on what was up. Well, turns out a Police Officer was coming over to our school that day for whatever reason he had. And all of us were to be there in half-uniforms. Tough luck, we didn't bring any clothes to change to. Told the others after 12.15pm, in History class. Hahaha. Okay, this post is getting a bit too lengthy huh? Skip some and there. Went for duty at the library then was called on intercom for the cadets to gather together. Blah blah blah. We ended up marching in our skirts@school uniforms. Ugh. Not a good day. And blah blah blah some more. Turns out- again, we were preparing and will be having marching practices to compete against other schools. Holy cow. Didn't see that one coming! My brain froze for a moment, thinking how we were going to 'juggle'(lol- there's a story behind this word) this with our MUET, exams and art project dates coming to a close. Good gracious. I even laughed silly in front of my peers about the monstrosity of the strings of event. Okay, enough of that.

Moving on to Thursday, teacher didn't come in for General Studies class. I got started on re-doing my scribbled History notes for a file-inspection. Soon after, we were asked to head to another class for our co-curriculum activity. Upon arrival, we were divided into groups on fives and sixes- mixed with some juniors too. Each of us were handed a sheet of paper containing two Malay crossword-puzzles. Halfway through finishing it, we heard an announcement calling for all the police cadets. It was time for our morning marching practice at 9AM until 11AM. We learnt some new command taught by the Police Officer- who was also kind enough to let us all go free 10 minutes early! We rested in the canteen to cool off and then stopped in our tracks while we were just about to climb up the stairs. Saw Et & Sham- they were heading to the loo. Decided to join them. Except for Becky who went up by herself. When the other five of us had gone up, Madam Janet was already in. Luckily, she didn't brief a word about our timing. She too- looked as though she just got there. Stood up- breathing heavier than usual. Okay, blah blah blah. MUET was slightly unbearable. Candy wasn't doing much help. My mind started to wander away from the lesson. Blame fatigue. Changed our clothes after that, before History class began. Teacher was in when Beck & I got there. Waiting for us- felt kind of embarrassed for holding up the class. I felt my face heating up from someone's warm-lovely gaze. *coughs* Went home with Elvy and my faithful trios after BM. Which was at 3.10pm. We had class in the air-conditioned room. Brr.

Then, there's Friday, or also known as yesterday! Let's see, it was raining a little. I wasn't late. Teacher wasn't in. Spent our leisure time, chilling while trying to do some MUET work left by Madam. Had cocum for our uniform group, police cadet with Lina Dang. Hahaha. ET was asked to explain some things a.k.a teach us about the commands and cadet stuff. Hahaha. We kept calling her teacher and Beck was being a huge teaser. :D It ended with us singing the new police cadet song. It was fun. :)) LD was being insensible with wanting us to march with so little of us in the pouring rain. Some junior spoke out against the idea. Thank goodness. Et was itching to leave the meeting- LD let us off because some students were waiting outside to get in their class(we were using theirs foe the meeting). Ate with the form six gang, Bro & I went for toilet-break afterward. The others went up- we thought they were, anyway. Bro & I were about to head upstairs ourselves. When we saw Et accompanied by Beck & Jane retreating to the loo. Figures, Et was trying to avoid the prefects- fear of getting caught for her long fringe. We waited outside the loo, I signaled them over when the coast was clear. Got stuck in another route, went the long way. Tried to avoid it, useless. Et finally put a hair clip on and problem solve. Hahaha. We went through all that trouble for nothing. Hahaha. I guess, it's good to have a bit of exercise after meals. I was interrogated for wearing black socks, I explained that it was for the police cadet marching practice. Which was true, we had to wear them for it- bu it wasn't necessary or crucial for training. Haha. The prefect just said "Oh...". :p It was a free period so we basically hung out and made ourselves at home- I took snapshots and recorded videos of my comrades. Hahaha. Mostly candid ones. Some were very comical shots and others were smiley faces. :-) MUET was up next. We scattered around when Madam got there. Chairs were moving- making these dragging and creaking sounds. The lesson was okay. Madam made some of us read aloud the English passages. Bro and Jane became known targets for their obvious drowsiness. Then, she stopped to correct the pronunciations and intonation. Blah blah blah. Complaint about the way we read and whatever. Seeming worried and angry, at the same time. Even tempered with the teachings as well. She was assigned to teach us the Listening and Reading papers only. Whereas, Teacher Dorothy were in charge of our Speaking & Writing classes. I guess, she was trying to be helpful in a way, but it came out kind of self-centered . I just think she likes to talk. Well, the personalities of a Teacher does not matter as much as the knowledge that she/he's has to share with you. Actually, planned to go for ABC with the gang. There was some difficulty, so I guess some other time I supposed. :/ Elvy's mum picked her up. While Bro & I had to do our report on the Info Hunt thing at the library. Plus, the four of us had marching practice at 2pm. Et knew of our busy schedule so she too backed out and went home with Elvy & Sham. :( She doesn't have her Hockey training, said something about getting a haircut. Haha. Can't wait, wonder how it'll look on Monday. x) Sang some songs in class with Becky. Lagu-lagu Justin Bieber, Tong Hua, JJ - Down...Hahaha! Stress bha urg namau join kawad tp t'paksa! Lgpun, exam pun dkat da...Ish, takut fail!! Haih.. x[ Bro was sleeping through my grieving process. MUET really tires her out. Skip, skip. Lib- did report...type type type. Bro finished it off with the names of the participants. While, I went to organize the much neglected books at the 4 back rows of the bookshelves. Time just whizzed past us. It was like 20 minutes until 2pm. We hurried down to change into our cadet half-uniforms. Shirt- tucked in, pants, shoes, hair in a bun and wearing name tags. Emptying out our bowels too, of course. Blah blah blah. They were calling for us already and we were still in the loo- getting ready. Went to the canteen, bought a burger. Yum. I devoured it sloppily. Getting ketchup on the corners of my lips. I am a disgusting child. Hahaha. Okay, the officer was there waiting already. Well, in his car. Checking up on us. Gaah. We scurried over when we were yelled to form in rows of threes. I was in the middle. :) Which is good so mistakes-made won't seem that obvious. Hilda, our squad leader- a junior but a first year like me. Stumbled on her lines a little when she was giving out commands to the squad or platoon. Our sergeant, should be either ET or this other form five girl, Liyana. Unfortunately, both were too busy to handle it. ET's busy with hockey training. While, Lyn and most of the experienced members are preoccupied with Hand Ball@Bola Baling practices. Hahaha. So, that leaves us leader-less and we have to start from scratch. Blah blah blah. Learnt a few more moves. Slow walk. The only form six students participating are the four of us. Jane, Bro, beck & I. We went home together in our cadet police shirts. And received a lot of responses from strangers! Hahaha. I guess, four young ladies walking together with cadet shirts on can attract attention huh? Okay, that's about it.

Wow, just look at the length of this post! Haha.

I set another new record. xD

If you've read through all of this, I salute you!!

Over and out.

Say 'yes' to typograhy!

2010-04-15T20:45:00.003+08:00

HEY AGAIN :D

I tried typing about the events going on in my life, but it turned out to be too long.

Long posts tend to lose its meaning and end up being boring.

So, I'm going to post some typography @ graphics instead.

(1)

(2)

(3)

(4)

(5)

(1) & (5) are basically something I have to practice more @ daily necessities.

While (2), (3) & (4) are rather personal notes regarding a certain individual.

Alright, I'm off to find some Glee's soundtrack now.
I'm such an absolute fan of that phenomenal show <3
I'll try to summarize my days better next time.
Hope you enjoy the graphics :)

Thanks for the read!

TTFN :D

Live, laugh, love.

2010-04-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

;)currently ; printing stuff for an art assignment.

it's on 'Gasing'...barely put in any effort.

GAHH. Tomorrow's Monday. :/

Anyway, went to Church today. I enjoyed today's RCIA's session. Sister Theresa conducted it because Miss Madeleine was away. :)) Too bad Maxine(RCIA friend) went to NS. I was really starting to enjoy her company. There was another new member too. A young lady from Sarawak. Friendly person. I didn't buy any foolscape or snacks. Had ice cream though. :p Why? I was alone- my parents and nephew went to the Orchard. And I didn't have much cash on me. Besides, I still have some of the stuff left. Okay, I was lazy too and the sun was melting my face. Yes, muchly exaggerated.

Mmm. What else?

Oh yeah, I miss going for after school snacks with the others.

And taking pictures of them using my crappy quality yet totally grateful that I-even-have-one phone. I miss seeing them posing for the camera and snapping some hideous candid sometimes comes out looking cool shots. Haha. I should post some photos on Facebook SOON! I've been meaning to but sometimes I get down looking at the pics because of the low quality of it. So I use this site to improve it.

Pisang Hijau, Roti Canai & ABC! Hahaha. Saya rindu gila maw p makan ni benda ramai2~

Harap-harap lah dapat jalan minggu depan. Huhuhu~

Maw lepaskan stres sebelum exam.

MUET - 24TH APRIL!
PP (1) - AWAL BULAN MAY.

Hopefully, kali nie bleh lulus lah semua.

Matai nnt anak urg klo result 'hangkang'.

Oh ya, sa x jadi tgo movie di pc semalam.

Entah. Mengantuk sudah. Minggu depan lah kali, banyak lagi yang sa blum tgo tu.

Ok, tidur dlu~ nnt lambat bangun abis kena bising lagi. urggh.

Trimas sbb sudi membaca. Wakaka! :)

Nehh. Gambar grafik dari Tumblr yg sa jumpa.

Bha, good night! ;)
1 minit lagi jam 1pagi nie~ hohoho

Graphic post ;)

2010-04-10T20:49:00.000+08:00

These graphics are some that I could relate to.
Sorry for the delay, loves.

Saturday Nite, feeling alright?

2010-04-10T20:27:00.003+08:00

Alright, It's a Saturday night.

~~I am not going to mop around pathetically like some silly-hopeless heartbroken teenage girl.~~

~~Even if, I may feel like one.~~

So, I watched this today.
Very much what you would have expected from a Megan Fox's movie.
Okay, apart from the backstabbing and Jennifer being a total b*tch.
The grueling scenes were awesome and I actually cried when Chip died. :'[
OH Amanda Seyfried is so gorgeous btw. <3

The movie soundtrack was filled with some of my favourite songs too.

Florence and the Machine - 'A Kiss With A Fist'
Weezer - (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To
Black Kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach You How To Dance

Just to name a few... :)

My parents just got home and I've cooked rice, boiled water, did the dishes and laundry too.

I have to get started with a very important art assignment later.
Buy more foolscap papers, the one I bought barely lasted a month >.<

Thanks to a certain someone who keeps asking for/taking mine. Huh.

Buy snacks for next week. You know, just some confectioneries :3

I need to increase my sugar levels to beat Mondays & drowsiness during the afternoons.

MUET is on the 24th of April! I need to do get loads of practice in everything!!!

Okay, cool it. Planning to watch another movie later on.

It's called '(500) Days of Summer'. :D

You're too young to be this empty girl.

2010-04-10T18:53:00.004+08:00

Hey, bloggie.

I failed in fulfilling my promise that I would post photos in the last entry.

I'm really sorry about that.

So, of late- I've been feeling very shitty.

Do excuse the curse word. Sigh.

Everything isn't okay.

I feel so hopeless.

And I'm too lame and logical to actually hurt myself over this.

Honestly, I need to start opening up to people.

~~OR THIS FEELING WILL CONSUME ME.~~

In class, today, on the last period, I had the sudden urge to burst into tears...but as usually I contained myself and bottle it up like I always do. I guess, I'm just that kind of girl who bottles up everything and breakdowns at some random moment.

I wished I could snap out of this misery at any given time, but it's difficult.

Having to suppress these feelings and numbing it.

Then, realizing I have no control over anything at all.

I have problems with sincerity.

& I care too much about what others think;

without realizing when I keep quiet,

everyone will stop caring about me.

And to complete the day with red cherries on top,

I'm home alone and I ~~fucking~~ miss everybody. D:

Plus, the only texts I seem to be getting are advertisements.- FML

Lesson I have yet to learn :
Never indulge in bad habits, because they will eventually influence your life in an unhealthy or negative way.

Hey, wassup?

2010-04-04T18:33:00.011+08:00

It's been a while since my last post :D

Weeks have passed, I've gotten over the fact that I've been yearning for that someone.My comrades have helped me realized ; what's important and what is not that significant. Sigh. Yes, my soul has calmed down a bit. I'm learning to let go and get over the fact that you will never be mine. So, readers? Let's keep this unknown secret between us okay. ;P
I still care a great deal towards that wonderful human being.
I just refused to admit this tiny detail to anyone else.
That's all.

I'm sure some of my friends probably may have discovered this odd ordeal of mine. Although, because of the gender issues and my lack of romantic experiences. They have probably thought of otherwise. Which is a huge relief- I don't want others knowing about this thing or having a rumor spreading like wildfire burning the woods. Not that I am infatuated with that person or anything. I just ridiculously admire that 'being'.
Nothing less and nothing more.
Okay, I'm putting an end to this discussion.
Not that anyone really gets it really. (~~because I've never really told them~~)
It's just some ~~writing~~ or should I say 'typing'-
okay, the appropriate word would be blogging therapy for me.

Moving on,
school's been somewhat too fast and other times moving so unbearable slow for me. Fast- as in, I keep wasting my time- hardly realizing how precious it is...on silly things I never learn(Okay, those phrases are from a Paramore's song) Then, there's the slow part. You know, that scene where everything is moving extra slow that you just wished there was a fast-forward to it? So that, you could get on with the other stuff. Figuratively speaking, my brain's turning to mush as I'm waiting for things to make sense. Ugh. Not that I am making much sense now.

Alright-y, what else is new?
I'll be staying back after school for a whole week- starting on Monday which is tomorrow. Darn it, I've already thought about grabbing some after-school lunch with a dear old friend. I guess, that can wait. Oh yeah, why am I doing and making such efforts? I don't really have a clue. Silly right? Okay, I should stop being such a ditz to you darling readers and let you know that I am busy with librarians' activities at the...well- school's library, of course. I'm just following the head student librarian's orders a.k.a Becky Mojindul :D Haha! Hmm. Browor & I have a little activity planned out for the students in the evening session too. It's called "Info Hunt", whereby the students or little critters shall compete with each other in a contest. How do you ask? By simply answering a piece of paper containing questions that they can find the answers to located within the walls of the school's library. The answers are mostly a bunch of information that are put as decorations around. Some are serial codes or the publishers' name on books. So, we have to double check and make sure the book is still there or else...well, nobody can find it. And they are given limited amount of time to answer these questions. So, the more you are to get the answers right the more likely you are to win. Prizes? Well, that's the head librarian teacher to sort out. We're just a bunch of noisy upper six students who so happens to hold so-called titles in the school library. Some extra hands to carry out a school activity and make ourselves look busy. :)

Wow, I went overboard with the rants yet again. -.-"

One last thing(or not :p), I deleted my twitter account due to the unbelievable annoyance I've gotten off it. Made another one, just to realize I liked my old username better. Plus, I miss-spelled it. Which is stupid of me. To add more of my foolishness, I was too tired and lazy to care to re-follow people. I just lamely followed some news sites reporting- I mean, tweet-ing on the daily happenings of the world - locally & internationally. I haven't opened the acc since. -.-" This is best, I guess. Or might be a tiny loss on my behalf.
This next thing, I swear you are going to laugh at me or maybe wonder why and whatever.
I re-made / re-kindred with an old kiddy site that my sis & I used to adore. Ahaha. Ever heard of Neopets? I honestly think I am going backwards instead of growing up. Gah, how old am I again? Over the age of 18?? Ahahahaha! Doesn't seem so. Oh well, I just had the sudden urge to play it. So, I did! XD So, scored!

Mmm. I've gotten a bit bored with Tumblr by the way. Recently, the posts doesn't really seem that inspiring to me. Bahhh. And the westernize view with the ghetto vibe really puts in a position where I can't say much. Frankly, my dear. I just don't give a damn. That's why. Then, there's the whole followers thing. Which I completely understand. A bit strange and a teeny-weeny creepy to say the least. I have 140 followers, which I am grateful for. No, I don't interact with them often but they know they matter. At least, I think and hope they do. The un-following and losing followers and then gaining them back. Ugh. What the heck? Well, it's much better than the stupid 'tumblarity' which indicates how popular your tumblr site is. Thank goodness, the person who created the site got rid of it. Stupid popularity contest will be the death of us all.

Alright, my rant ends here.
I think, I'll post some photos I snatched from Tumblr(& others too) later on.
Appreciate the read!
Hope you are doing better than me. :)

Self-reminder

2010-03-25T20:47:00.003+08:00

Indulging in worldly pleasures ;
and absolutely forgetting about your spiritual needs.

Boundaries need to be set ;
contain yourself and think things thoroughly.

Happiness is just a state of feeling ;

you may think you need materialistic objects to fulfill you life.

Actually, you don't ;
all you need is to live an honest life
& loving your loved ones that are in it.

Sacrifice and give ;
be content with your life,
as they are always people who have it much worse.

Let go and be free ;
from all your doubts, fears and worries of tomorrows.

Cleanse your soul ;
pray and give thanks.

& soon you'll feel better once again.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Matthew 7:7

2010-03-25T20:28:00.003+08:00

Dear wonderful person that I haven't seen in awhile,

How do you make me miss you so much?
Why do I have this pinching feeling ; aching, in the pit of my stomach.
How do you make me feel so happy and then so empty?
Why do I create illusions and choose to get blinded by them?
Why can't I helped but to mention your name in every sentence that I make?
Why are my thoughts always seemed to wander towards you...
as 'the subject' of my every conversation?
How do I stop feeling this way?
How do I even begin to explain myself to anyone?
Why did I have to fall for you? Why couldn't it be someone else?
It pains me too much to think about you and
how I don't have the guts to discuss this with anyone.
This is not right and I should get over you,
but it's hard when all I can think about is you.

I need God.

You don't know me ; please stop acting like you do.

2010-03-25T20:15:00.003+08:00

You read me like you know me so well ;
How much time have you spent with me?
How much do you actually know of me?
The world is vain and so are you,
Dwell in your games as you always do.

Live your life & I'll live mine,
Stop treating me like you know me so well.
Judge as you do like everyone does ;
(yes, that includes me too)
Have you spent a second in my shoes?
Felt the way that I have?
Oh please, don't play that card.
You sick control-freak.
(I know, harsh- Sorry, I'm just pissed)

Sick of your false pretentious act,
How you manipulate others ;
into thinking you're something that you're not.
Quite your hasslin' and your stalking.
Saying people complain and yet you complain about them.

Can't you see? How fabricated your justification truly is?

Can't you see, you're such an offense to others?
Everyone's a sinner, don't act like you're not,
I'm dealing with my life so don't interfere,
You live yours & I'll live mine.

What's left to say?
Nothing - that's what.

Misunderstandings are one of the worst things to deal with.
& dear anonymous you used "you're" in the wrong context. :)
Your love life is lovely & mine is not ;
& don't blame others for how they are.

That's like blaming God for creating people in the first place.
If you can't take the heat ; get out of the room.

Thank you.
& that ALL took me less than 10 minutes.
I should get pissed off more.
Righttt. *sarcasm noted please*

2010-03-20T14:46:00.007+08:00

I have a lot on mind actually ; but I just can't seem to put it into words. :/

So, I'll post pictures of my recent internet activities instead.

Twitter got overloaded. That was a first(for me)
This happened last week, I think. Haa. -.-
Oh yeah, I reached 120 followers today! Whoopee~
Haha. I have no life, obviously. :D
I miss "My Chemical Romance"- my all time favourite band!
So, I stalked their site and found these pictures.
They're still working on some songs in their studio.
The last three photos are proofs, taken by Frankie Iero, himself.
I had no idea that he liked taking photographs. Did I mentioned,
he and his wife are having twins? No? 'Cause they are! Major kudos.
Wow, I forgot that he was married. Damn. Haha. Gerard Way's
wasn't feeling well for some point- had to cancel shows to relieve
his aching-throat due to his drinking and smoking. :/ Poor dude.
Wish them all the best! And please, hurry up and release a new single
or something. I'm having ants in pants! =O

Gerard Arthur Way spotted on the SPIN Magazine, recently.

Yes, I still adore him! <3

OK, BYE.

New post for a new layout. :0

2010-03-18T23:28:00.004+08:00

Hello to the web of site that never sleeps. Yes, I just made that up.

My gosh, I am so worn out now but am absolutely contented and at peace with life right now. I do not know the reasons. Okay, I think I might though. I just feel like staying in this moment forever. *yawns* Yes, I'm tired. It's not that I don't want to go to bed. It's just that I'm waiting up for my Dad to come home. He's out- drinking, I supposed. My mom and nephew are asleep in the room. So, that leaves me here- alone, in front of the computer.

Hm. Yeah, did anyone noticed the changes I made to my layout? Hihi. Is it alright? The old one was too plain and I was getting tired of seeing the same layout- again and again.
So, that's why I changed it. :)
I've also added a 'chatting box', if any of you lovely lots would be so kind as to comment this unworthy blog of mine or just to say 'hey'. :) Anyway, I hope you like these changes 'cause I know I do! :D Yes, how vain of me to admit that. Tee hee.

Um. Alright, I have been pretty down lately actually. It's because of numerous of things that's been going on ; that unfortunately, involves a very BIG part of my schooling life. I don't want to dwell on that thought any further ; fear that it might return to haunt me again.

OK.
Right now, I am reminded of the feeling of 'being in love' and the wonderful idea of it. Oh, how I missed it so! Only God knows, how many times I felt like a walking corpse for these past weeks. Lifeless and uninspiring ; even my friends were catching on with my negative vibe. Depression can be contagious and hazardous to our being ; agree or die. Right, to be honest, the exams have put me into such a downer. As well as some other unfathomable things that I've been having a hard time with. Such as, my social life and the personal issues I have with myself.

Text-ing and just talking with people made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you, lovers. You know who you are. :) Not to mentioned, babysitting and just spending time with the family. Darn it, I wished I was this grateful, always. And of course, God Almighty for everything He has blessed me with. Plus, the good and the bad experiences that make up life- itself. :)

Lord, please help me stay strong and guide my soul on the right path.

On a different note :

I'll be heading to school tomorrow! Becky, Broworlleika, Janeffer(maybe), Itti and I are going to some tidying up at the school's library. E.g., organizing some books into their shelves, re-wrap the tattered plastic of book covers, sweep the floor and maybe do some renovation like moving the furniture. I'm looking forward to eating some Roti Canai, after the ordeal. Which, I've been having cravings for since the week begun. :) Oh, I want to watch 'Remember Me' too! Hopefully, that will happen soon. And I have barely progressed on this book, entitled, 'Wuthering Heights' by Emily Bronte. I find it quite difficult to process the overly-formal vocabularies and the Old English culture that comes with it. I'm not that familiar with this reading this style of book and am just too plain-lazy to look up unknown words in the dictionary; electronically or manually. I've been like that for quite some time now, should probably change this habit and make myself more useful. Or else it might affect me in the long run, i.e, not something I would want to happen.

Okay, Dad is really late.

I'm about to drift off to dreamland for any waking minute now.

50 WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS!

2010-03-17T00:15:00.006+08:00

Found this lovely graphic on tumblr. <3

I am going to print this and stick it somewhere. ;)

Tuesday's alright. ;]

2010-03-16T22:43:00.008+08:00

Hello.

Today :
School was alright.
Sat beside ET today. Sham didn't come.
Wasn't planning to sit with her at all. =.=
Practically begged that I would.
Flashing her sad puppy face at me.
HA HA.
Plus, the guy who sits next to me.
Took over my place before I had the chance to move.
Jeez. So, didn't really have any choice now.
I moved to sit with Browor during PP(the last period).
I couldn't take any of her(et) wise-cracks anymore.
=.="
She kept bothering me,
saying how
I didn't know what the heck teacher was teaching
&
telling me to raise my hand.
over & over & over again!
oh and the finger-poking too.
gosh.

Pengacau punya budak.

HA HA HA HA
She's not even taking the subject!
Tapi syok juga lah haha :P
Got held back at the library, after school.
It's looking a whole lot better now.
The UMS students did a pretty good job :)
on renovating it!
Bro & I went to the loo afterward.
Taking our leisure time.
The others were already waiting outside.
Elvy & Et made silly gestures
like
they were thanking God that we finally arrived.
A bunch funny-sarcastic lots. :P
Oh, turns out we didn't have roti canai after all.
:(
A bit disappointed, but it's ALL GOOD.
We were too hungry, so had some decent meals instead.
ET was in a rush, she had hockey practice later.
After eating, she left with her hockey mates.
They're practicing for a tournament.
I was the first one to clean my plate.
Hadn't eaten since morning.
:O
The canteen was too crowded that I lost my appetite.
Went to Giant, after that.
I wanted to buy chocolates.
:P
We all bought snacks.
Jane, Elvy & Beck.
Except for Bro, she left early.
Her Sis was waiting for her.
I also bought ice cream & marshmallows.
Haha. Yes, I'm happy.
:D
All of us rode the bus together.
Failed miserably at an attempt to read
'Wuthering Heights'
:/
Gave up.
Listened to music & fell asleep.
Woke up, Nat & I were alone.
Fell asleep on the couch, this time.
Computer- Nat watched his shows.
Fed him & changed his clothes.
He fell asleep & is still sleeping now.
I flipped through the channels.
& recalled about this show
that my BM teacher said in class-
yesterday.
Channel 303, KBSW -
"Master of Study"
Supposed to be this
interesting Korean drama
yet educational too.
;D
Lucky me, it was just about to start.
Watched it.
While, vainly editing some photos on my phone.
Cried like three or four times watching it.
:'{
I could really relate to one of the character's there.
After an hour,
the show ended.
&

I think,
I found new love.

Well, off I go.
Thanks for the read! <3

Monday blues :(

2010-03-15T20:47:00.007+08:00

Sorry for the lack of update.

I've been having a hard time sorting out my thoughts.

A lot has been going on, exams, marching, outings and blah blah blah. :)
Okay, I have actually tried blogging about it last week...
but haven't gotten around to posting it yet.

It's saved it the draft. 3 long entries to be precise.
HA HA HA.

Having classes for these three days.
Monday - Wednesday.
The class is planning to go on a trip- location still undecided.
Paintball is canceled :( due to the sudden high pricing.
Sucks, I was really looking forward to it too D:
OH WELL.

Got our BM(K1) & SEJ ASIA today.
Ahaha.
As predicted I flunked both. Serves me rightttt.
ET & I got the same scores for SEJ ASIA. =.="
Both Browor(second highest) & Beck(followed closely behind) did well in theirs.
Jane...let's say she hardly answered the questions.
For BM, well, Jane & I have matching scores.
(mine got deducted 'cause the teacher made a marking error. so was elvy's)
Becky was the highest in class.
Bro was at the library taking the test when we were handed back our papers,
she was absent on that day.
ET almost pass by 1 mark. Same as Elvy, I think.

Wanted to go for Roti Canai, after school. Dropped my RM10 in the car. Couldn't find mum during recess. Oh, she's teaching for these 2 days too. So, yeah. Plus, ET couldn't make it either. Having hockey practice until Friday. Sheesh. I wasn't in a good mood anyway because of numerous things. Canceled it. :/ Elvy, Jane, Beck & Bro followed my car. Dropped them off at the bus stop. In the car, mum said that my BM teacher mentioned about my paper.

At home, room, hungry, mum, received a college acceptance letter, mum, hungry & annoyed, went into my room, mum, read my BM book, mum, fell asleep after 10 pages(more or less), woke up, hungry, went outside, the house was empty, ate, watched tv, bored, turned on the computer, parents got back, they went to the post office, room, read some more of the BM book, mum called, holding up her old passport, thought to myself how lovely it would be to travel, saw some adorable pictures of my bros when they were tiny toddlers, room, computer, mum went to pick Nat up from his mother's, boiled rice, Nat came home. :D

Tomorrow is...
BM, SEJ ASIA -again!
& PPI. zZzzzZ

WANTS :

to eat roti canai or pizza
to watch Rob Pattz's, "Remember Me"
to read "Wuthering Heights" and finish it by April.
to hang out with old friends!

Okay, I'm going to go read my BM book- again.
Wish me luck. O ho ho =.="

It's March, darlings.

2010-03-06T00:03:00.015+08:00

Another post.

Life has been busy. With everything happening at once, I need a second to catch my breathe.

Our 1st Trial Exam (UBI) starts next week, on Monday.
(Monday until Friday. Tuesday won't be around. See below to find out why)
Police Cadet's training from this Thursday until Saturday X|
(It's for next Tuesday's MSSD, we're marching at Stadium Likas :O)
AMC The School of Business government sponsored programs
(Somehow a lot of my classmates are interested in joining.
So, I'm kind of the one who's answering their questions and helping them to register)
Art assignments! Darn it, I'm still behind...Gotta hand it in by this week(Saturday)!
I have to go to the store to get some photos developed for our Form Six's billboard.
(Still have to choose which picture to develop, I've saved so many XD)
This Sunday's City Run at Padang Merdeka.
(My friends and I want to go but still not sure. I'm worried I might miss Church & RCIA)
Paintball on the 18th of March at Dongoggon(ntah ngam ka tu ejaan)! =D
(Everyone is welcomed to join. All you need is to pay RM25 ekekeke)

Okay, more activities are coming.
E.g. vising prisons and courthouse. =D Woot!

Today(Saturday) is the opening of MSSD. ET is competing for 1500m run.
AJA, AJA...F-I-G-T-H-I-N-G!!! All the best to her!
Too bad we couldn't be there to support her =[ Having class plus marching practice.

By the way, yesterday(Friday) we had our First Trial MUET Speaking Test!
Which consisted Sham, ET, Bro & I. They are respectively candidate A, B, C- and I'm D. Hee. We did okay. Not that great. Bro needed to pitched in a little more. All of us lacked on giving examples and elaborating through it. Some find language to be difficult. The teacher said we needed to read more so that we can be exposed to a wide range of global issues. Since, the questions won't only be based on school life, but more on current issues and working life. Well, overall...I got a middle band 4. The teacher might have set the bars low this time. I think, in the actual test. I would probably just get a passing Band 3.

Darn it, I'll have to try harder and get lots of practice with the group.
So, I can focus on my other 5 subjects once I'm done with MUET.

Somehow, this comfort zone I'm in...
is making it difficult for me to put more effort in anything I do.
I simply lack the initiative and passion to study...
UGH. Besides that, I'm terribly sick of some of friends' negativism.
It's really bringing me down and affecting my thoughts in a very unhealthy manner. :(
Don't get me wrong, I love them but I just can't stand being around them sometimes.
Ever heard of the saying, too much is just 'too much'?
This seems to fit my little situation perfectly.

Oh. Another issue is my spending money on a very large appetite of mine.
Yes, I'm short and quite petite. I guess? And it just so happens I tend to overeat.
Anyone who's been around me during recess or lunch time would know that.
I eat a lot. It's a fact!
...need to put away that money and invest in something more meaningful than food.
...gotta control my stomach cravings and urges to eat till I'm full.
I don't need to gain anymore weight.
Now, losing it would be a completely different story.
It's been a while since I got on a bike and started cycling.
I should definitely do that soon!

Signing off.
I seriously need to get my mind straight and focus on my studies/goals!
Before it's too eff-ing late..!

pa barang ni?!

2010-03-03T19:09:00.005+08:00

OK! New post!!

Haha.. So, I was reading some people's blog earlier and had the sudden urge to blog too! Hehe.

Ikut2 ni bha. Hehe. Aik, tiba2 jg terasa mo type 'gini' @ short-formed in Malay. Hahah!
Ni la ni, susah klo suda terjangkit.

Antam la! Malas suda mo fikir byk...hahha. Stail 'sms' pun bleh la! Haaa

Bha, anyway, this week banyak perkara juga la yang berlaku..hoho.
Kadet Polis aktif kembali. Yeaay..hahha. Tiba2 ja tu cgu bgtau kemarin yg Kadet ikut MSSD. =.="
atukoii~ terlampau la bha. Mula2 ckp kena cancel, sedih lar knun bila dgr..sbb xda sempat ikut kawad di padang tu ari. salah sndiri jg..sepa suruh lambat kan? hahha. anyway, tiba2 pandai da balik pla hhahaha..'blessing in disguise' kali. heh. yg kin malas pla ni ialah latihannya. Bsuk bha, jam 8 pagi sampai 5 petang..hahhaha. jangan ko...lebih2 lg cgu kami yg blur2 punya. terlalu mengharapkan pljar yg uruskan segalanya. aduii..mcm mna mo maju eh. pengerusi pun cbuk dgn aktiviti2nya. gila2 trlalu hyper bha tu, suma pun dia mo tapau...haha! first2, minta kwn stay lg. ee, sepa maw? dia syok2 p men bola baling/hoki, kmi mo bt apa?? hahahha. suda la pulg kena naik bas@jln kaki...dia jam 5 blik, syok2 kena ambil oleh mama. hahha. i know. jahat bha sa nie, tp mmg kebenaran jg laa. wlaupun da rsa 'bersalah' dengan 'simpati'..tp pa bleh buat la. takkan lah, mo drop everything utk dia kan..kena da otak jg. nyway, pa2 pun wish her the best of luck! jia youx2, sarjen bab1 hahaha!

benda len atau sma jg lar...latihan kadet polis...aduii. suda la, kulit nda pndai putih2 balik. hahah. exam pun next week! then, khamis, jumaat dgn sabtu pun da latihan!!! raptai maybe hari ahad ni tp tu pun blum pasti lg..ish3. selasa depan pla yg sebenar punya...penutupan MSSD!!! so, kena pakai full-uniform. hee~ ya, mmg saat yg dinanti2kan! psal tu ari ter-miss kan..salah sendiri. tula, buduh! hahah. mmm..kebetulan, hari tu exam kami MUET. So, kena kasi 1K la tu kali...Huhu. Yes! Da masa tuk buat persediaan lg. Wlaupun, rsa x bt pun bleh pass. tu prasaan sendiri ja la..hahahahha. tp, klo btul pun bgus la..klo bleh, mo kc tinggi2 lg tu markah. can2, dpt band 5 hahah. temberang ja ni sa. band 3 pun bersyukur la..tp mna boleh mesti sekurang2nya band 4 baru la pusa ati sa. hahahha! SPEAKING & WRITING yg sa x yakin...objektif men timbak pun ok tp hahah msti la kena check blk2 jg mnatau da yg silap kn, kn, kn? listening, ok jg la..cuma x syok dgr percakapan dorg urg m'sia yg 'ber-speaking'. ahhahah. pronunciation & enunciation pun bida2. tula..kdg2 susah mo faham lae pa dorg ckp. issh. kin susah hidup ja...hohoho.

yg sa plg risau ialah subjek2 yg len, urghh..! P.AM, BM, PP, SEJ & SENI..!!
ARGHH! KERJA PUN MASIH DITANGGUH2! MCM MANA LA STPM NNT..!
HABIS LAH...X| suda lah budu2 p ambil 5 subjek. ish3. yg tu len crita lg..
next time sa post. hahah.

bha, smpai sini ja la~ panjang suda ni huhuhu. sa pun mlas sua mo fikir pa mo taip.
klo x faham, sori la...heh. tanya ja menerusi facebook ka apa.
klo sa rajin menjawab la. k, babai & makasih sbb sudi membaca blog yg serba kekurangan ni.
aikss, temberang pula sa guna BM ni. bha, praktis2. BM sa mmg x brapa bgus bha ni...D:
jadi boleh lah jdkan blog sbg latihan menulis. kununnn~
bha, k la...nda pandai abis2 jg nie sa taip.
bai~! ^^

DRAT. D=

2010-02-28T19:11:00.009+08:00

"loving someone who doesn't feel the same way is like using a paper crayon on a white paper, it is always invisible."-tumblr

I despise Facebook for this accurate prediction. =/
Not to mention, I have my work cut out for me.
*think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts*

DRAT! AND TOMORROW'S MONDAY!!! D=

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Toodles!

I am troubled by feelings and people.

2010-02-26T21:28:00.011+08:00

Hello, my loyal subjects!
Bow before my greatness.
& kiss the ground I walk beneath.

HEH, I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU!

So, like..here's another confusing post from an already puzzled blogger.

Here we go again~
Lately, I've been feeling troubled by these developing emotions...and not being able to let it out freely due to certain unmentionable things that would happen...if I do end up telling someone.. Bad for the soul right? And it's seriously torturing my insides. Therefore, my blog here shall be used as a tool to best-describe what's bothering me...without really giving any details away. Okay, what has gotten into me and triggered your minds into dying curiosity? It's...darn. I CAN'T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO TYPE OUT THE WORDS FOR IT. All I can say is that I am troubled by these feelings that's been stirring up within. It has also been going on for quite sometime now. Which has slightly affected my better judgment on things. And I am unhappy to report that, I wished I hadn't felt such things..for a certain someone. Unfortunately, as it turns out 'I actually do'.

So, help me. This is so wrong.

Okay, besides that...
These last few days at school, I've been getting these strange vibes from people. I can sense that they are hiding something from me. A secret, that's what. I have a wild guess about it. I'll admit I'm curious. If it turns to be what I think it is. Then, I shall back off immediately. A very big part of me is hoping that I would be mistaken. Another is flattered and of course baffled how it could have happened-again. For now, my suspicions are yet to be confirmed. Yes, it's driving me a little mad(insane, in fact) and making me more distant than usual. Maybe it's just some silly misunderstanding and nothing's really going on. Or maybe it's 'this thing' about someone that unfortunately involves me as the topic of discussion.

Good gracious! Why the heck is this so important anyway? Darn it all.
Talk about being seriously disturbed or paranoid.
Well, I can't help it if I'm an overly-sensitive female!
Now, can I? Heh.

For now, that's pretty much what I came to share here with you.
Appreciate the read! =)

HOLIDAY NO MORE!

2010-02-21T22:56:00.012+08:00

SO, SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW.
WHY THAT WOULD ONLY MEAN THAT...
A SAD ENDING TO THE HOLIDAYS! D=

SIGH, I SHALL MISS EVERY BIT OF IT!

LAST...
THURSDAY, EFF-ING SPORT'S DAY. WOOT! POLICE WON.
& I GOT A MEDAL FOR 'TUG OF WAR'.
FRIDAY WENT TO ORCHARD, CARRIED STICKS & TWIGS. WTF
SATURDAY, PMS- STAYED AT HOME ALONE. FTW
SUNDAY, WENT OUT FOR V'S DAY WITH PALS. WAN'S RETURN. =DD
WHICH CONSISTED OF BECK, BRO, WAN & I. NO ET NOR ELVY. HUH!

THIS WEEK'S...
MONDAY, I THINK I BABYSAT AT HOME. (YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.)
TUESDAY, SHOPPED FOR NEW CLOTHES & HAD MCD'S! WITH MUM <3
WEDNESDAY, WENT FOR CNY AT FRIEND'S HOUSES. FUN FUN FUNNN!
THURSDAY, CANCELED CNY PLANS & OFFERED TO BABYSAT. =/
DAMN IT, MISSED OUT ON ALL THE FUNNNNN! =(( SIGH.
FRIDAY WENT FOR A MOVIE (VALENTINE'S DAY) & K-BOX!
MEET UP WITH KHAI, HAN & WAN! HAN PICKED ME UP & DROVE ME HOME HEE =)
AS USUAL, WERE WITH BECKY AND ET. HAA =)
SAW ELVY TOO BUT SHE WAS WITH HER BRO & CUZZ.
TOO BAD DULAIT COULDN'T COME. POOR SAFWAN~ HEH.
OH & I FINISHED READING STEPHENIE MEYER'S 'BREAKING DAWN'!
IN THE MORNING, IT WAS AWESOMELY ALRIGHT. =)
FORGOT TO RETURN IT TO ITS' RIGHTFUL OWNER THOUGH. =/
(THANKS AGAIN FOR THE LEND & I'M SORRY KHAI...)
SO, I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING DURING THE HOLIDAYS.
HA-HA. SHOOT, I SHOULD S-T-O-P BEING SUCH A LAZY ASS! & MEND MY WAYS.
ANYWAY ON SATURDAY, STAYED AT HOME TO BABYSAT. NOTHING SPECIAL THERE.
SUNDAY A.K.A. TODAY, WENT TO CHURCH THEN LIKAS SQUARE.
INITIATED TO THE RCIA AT ST. SIMON. NEXT WEEK BEGINS =)
(I TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT IT STANDS FOR/THE FULL NAME, I MEAN.
BASICALLY, I'M JOINING IT TO COMPLETE MY CONFIRMATION COURSE.
SOMETHING I'LL HAVE TO HAVE, IF I'M EVER TO BE WEDDED IN A RC CHURCH.
HAHA. IF THAT'LL EVER HAPPENED. WHICH, I HAVE HIGH DOUBTS FOR!
ANYWAY, IT'S MY OWN JOURNEY TO GET CLOSER TO GOD. =) SO, PEACE!!)
BOUGHT DG RELOAD, AN EYELINER & FOOLSCAP SHEETS AT LIKAS SQ.
CHECKED OUT THE AMC'S NEW LOCATION. - CLOSED FOR CNY, UGH.
LASTLY, RESISTED THE URGE TO ASK MUM TO BUY THIS CUTE GREY SHIRT.

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOLKS. =B

YAWZERSSSS. I STILL HAVE TONS AND TONS OF WORK BEHIND ME.
TOMORROW'S GOING TO BE BRUTAL, FOR SURE.
PRAY & WISH ME LUCK LOVES.

I'LL BE NEEDING IT B-A-D-L-Y. UGGGGGGH.
AT LEAST, I'LL BE SEEING THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE MORE OFTEN <3
NO, YOU WON'T KNOW WHO IT IS. 'CAUSE I'M NEVER TELLING! =P

TTFN~
BETTER GET MY SCHOOL GEAR READY.
IF I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE & GET BITCHSLAPPED AGAIN.

D:

2010-02-18T20:14:00.005+08:00

Hey strangers and friends. :D

Okay, here I am blogging because I have nothing else better to do...and am not in the mood to do any work. Gah, I am such a slacker that it pisses me off! Apparently, not enough for me to quit being one though.

I'm going to be honest and it is going to hurt.
(ME, I mean. 'Hurt me'. Incase, you thought I was implying on you instead. I mean, why would I want to hurt you?? Sorry, I'm just dangerously bored and paranoid.)
So, to be frank...I am sick, depressed and wished I had been somewhere else today.
NOT AT HOME- babysitting.

...but I'm not.
So, I need to get over myself.

Peace out!

2010 =)

2010-02-13T08:42:00.002+08:00

This blog needs a new post badly!

So, WAH-LAH~!!

Hee =)

Updates!!!

It's 2010
Happy New Year!!
HAHA.
a bit late but otherwise better than nothing right? ;p
January's done.
Been busy with school.
Classes, Librarian duties, class(few)/friends outings(hardly)
& OH
after-school marching practices for the Police Cadet Uniform Unit@Cocuriculum.

Haha. Insane, I tell ya'.
But enjoyed every minute of it.
Hmm.
OH YEAH!
Thursday we had Sport's Day @ School.
Janeffer & I didn't marched with the cadets. ='(
We were f*cking late & were to scared to join the rest of them.
After looking how they were all in full-uniform and wearing 'tudung'!!!
I kept pacing back and forth.
Wondering if we should go ahead and join them.
UGH.
After the third or fourth nervous glance, seeing how they were already out on the field.
I decided that it's best to change out of our cadet uniforms.
D=
Damn it all.
(To think that I spent the dawn sewing up the school badge and shoulder tags)
(plus, ironing the uniforms...=.=")
BUT..what I was most afraid was the people that I would let down.
My fellow comrades in Cadet..
Especially, our sergeant and closed friend..ET!
After her and a few of the other cadets put up the flags.
I went over to her with protection from her 'l*ve-interest'.
Hoping that she'll forgive me somehow.
As it turns out, nothing really happened.
She just shrugged it off and said it was fine.
I was a bit disappointed but utterly relieved! =O

Before that, I hung out at the Form Six's stall.
They were selling some edible items to raise for our class's funds.
I went back there after confronting Et. Haha.
Jane was unwilling to go with me..Probably scared, I guess.
Okay, anyway, I met with Becky & Browor after the marching thing was over.
They weren't too happy about us-not-marching.
Chatted and hung out a bit more.
Mum appeared- handed me some cash. Haha
'cause I forgot to ask for it in the morning.
Hungry..
Bought food at the canteen.
Ate at the F6 stall.
Which is, located at the teacher's parking lot.
The one with the roof on top-nearest to the blue middle gate.
My twin friends were staring at me eating.
So, I offered to buy the same thing for them.
(After finishing my meal, of course ;p)
Returned with the twin's meals.
Saw the gang there.
Et changed her clothes.
She was gonna compete afterward.
4x100M.
Hung out.
Et got up. Saw something stuck to her shorts.
Chewing gum and rust marks from the thing she was sitting.
Idiot.
Me, Beck, Bro & Jane helped her out after laughing at her ass.
Haha xD
Serves her right for her habit of sitting anywhere without looking.
It was new shorts lagi tuh.
=.="
Bought together with us, last month. Hoh
After that, got called over to prepare for the 'tug of war'
a.k.a 'Tarik Tali'..Hehe ;p
I'll skip to the part where who wins.
Girls Category :
Marikh(us) was second, Musytari(Elvy) won.
First round went to Marikh.
Second to Musytari.
Third..well, you know who.
A lot of us were injured after the game.
For the F6 student,
Elvy took the worst. The skin of her sole had peeled off.
Ada Koh's hands were bleeding a little.
(She's this really tall F6 girl)
A few of my toenails started to bleed..
Luckily, my hands suffered no injury.
Our hands were still quivering from the impact of the pull. =o
Plus, the muscles on my arms are a bit strained too.
Well, I'm no real athlete. That's for sure.
Most of the Form 6 who joined aren't.
Except for Larry & ET..I guess.
Hm.
Anyway, they announced the results for the marching competition (Unit Beruniform)
AND
Kadet Polis won 1st!
;DDD
WOOOH!
You should have seen us..!
Cheering like a bunch of fools! =DD
Last year, first in years...the champion was taken by the Red Cross@PBSM.
So, A LOT of people were looking forward to see KP win.
With ET being the sergeant and all!
At first, we weren't sure that KP would actually win.
I guess, the weeks of practice really did paid off!
Victory is ours. ;P
I'll let you in a little secret :
#Et actually cried of stress because of KP#
LOL! I srsly adore her to bits. xP
Even though, she's a MASSIVE pain in the ass!
She's fun to have around.
Well, sometimes.
ngeee :p

Marikh won for the rumah sukan perbarisan.
No idea how that happened.
Haha.
After, the former athletes left.
Marikh hardly wins at anything now.
It was a surprising win.
Musytari's been dominating 'everything' this year.
Just look at who's the boss of the house..
Elvy John Ansibin bha itu!
Ketua Pengawas lagi! :P
Okay okay...
Enough crapping around.

After all that sh*t, we went for our ritual 'Pisang Hijau'! <3
(It's something like ABC but with bananas in it and that green stuff..
No, not cendol. Maybe I'll post a picture of it one day? Hee ;P)
Went to a Cyber Cafe with Beck & Bro later.
While, Elvy, Et, Jane & Suzain(first-timer) went back home.
After going online for half an hour..While, the other twos went for an hour.
On the way home, bumped into Leonetta.
Hung out until her mum came.
Bro separated from Beck & I.
Beck & I rode the bus home together.
A day well-spent!

The next day was the beginning of our HOLIDAY! ;D
I was planning to chill at home but Dad brought all of us to the orchard.
UGH. Was kinda pissed. Got over it. Carried branches, sticks & twigs there.
Hahaha.
& blah blah blah blah.
Got home at 2AM.
& haven't slept until now..!
Phone died. So, left at home to be charged.
Got home. Turned it on. Six miscalls from (??)
and
a text from an old friend, a junior and an unknown number.

Oh
I'm almost finishing 'Breaking Dawn'
On page 700++ now :]
Will return to Khai soon! ;)
Thanks so much for the lend, btw.
XOXO

Other than that, I have tons of assignments to do!!! :{
&&
AM DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!!!

BTW, I'll be online more often now.
After Mum buying DG Broadband! Tee hee. ;D

That's it for now.
Will update soon.
Adieu Amigo!

(p/s - thanks for the read! ^^)

My rants

2009-12-15T02:45:00.003+08:00

Well, hello.

Okay, I was planning to make an update sooner but just couldn't find the right time to do so.

As most of you know, my internet connection has been suspended due to the sh*tty services and unpaid bills. Mostly, because of the crappy network we get here. So, my mom refuses to pay. She said she's going to get a broadband instead. Which, I'm pretty sure will come next year. Sigh. Mostly, I've been using my phone to browse the net. And an occasional trip to the library now and then. Well sometimes, when I'm lucky, I get to use some my friends' broadbands. Hehe. Nothing like getting our heads crammed into one pc. Hahaha. Lol. It's a very 'hommie' feeling. Hahaha.

Anyway, I'm trying to make a link between this here entry and the previous one.
The librarian's party was great. Good food, fun games and great people! :)
Et was the host, couldn't think of anyone better.
Camp was alright, I guess. It was the second camping trip I've ever been to. The first one was for a Prefect camp. This time, it was for 'Rakan Muda'. It was interesting to see Elvy and Ameer as the ones in charge of it. Haha. Fun too, I guess. Although, I felt...left out and had some degrading moments. My mood swings started to kick in then. Later, I found out that I was having that 'time of the month'. And I absolutely forgotten to bring any supplies. Thankfully, my dear comrade came to the rescue. So, everything was good. Performance night was awfully embarrassing, though! Hahaha! I was stuck in a nasty comedy show where I was the oldest of my other group members. I was playing role of a Queen and had to repeat the word "a-hole" several times. It was part of the joke, a major big part of it! Imagine saying that vulgar word in Malay in front of your peers, juniors and not to mention the effing teachers -over and over AGAIN! Now, that is a night I'll never forget. Hahaha. I was even fed with lines because I blanked out in front of them all. My favourite performance was done by Safwan. His pansy act was hilarious! Oh, Bro was in the same group as his too. Becky's group did a chicken dance. Haha! Me & Bro tagged along with the show. Lol! While, ET's was singing and dancing. She won the best act and surprisingly my group's tasteless comedy was won second place. Haha. Safwan & Bro's was third and Becky's fourth. ET & Safwan also snatched the award for the best 'Male' & 'Female' Participants of the camp. Man, I envy their outgoing and carefree attitude, I could never pull that off without being so self-conscious about everything. I guess, camp was pretty awesome! It lasted from Friday until Sunday. Monday was torturous because of the damned stairs! My legs finally stopped hurting after two days from returning from camp!

Okay, whew~ that wasn't short at all huh? Oh yeah, we had to miss some activities of the camp to organize our Librarian's Party at the school library. Haha.

Next, getting our report cards weren't such a big deal after all. For me, that is. My parents didn't utter a word of remorseful much. Which, I was expecting for them to say quite a few. I was surprised and slightly disappointed..but absolutely grateful, of course!! My mom simply said that she hoped I'd get the SPA thing. Which comes to the hard part of saying that I didn't get it. Oh, the day before yesterday, I finally turned eighteen! =) Thank you to all the ones who had wished me a 'happy birthday'! I was overjoyed to received the warm greetings. Definitely felt the love! Ehehe. For those who forgot, no worries, there's still the 'belated' thing going on. Haha. Okay, that was lame.

So, enough about that!

Oh, during the 2 weeks after the school holidays..me, beck, went on duty at the library. Checking stocks, wrapping books, scanning, organizing and stuff! Hahaha. It was 5 days to be exact. Me & Bro were usual the earliest. Then, Becky and Jane would come. Since they practically live together..in the same area at least!

My rants end here.

Yeah, have you noticed how the same names keep popping out?

Sorry about that.
I guess, I've grown so attached to my Form 6 friends!

Btw, sad that Safwan won't be joining us for next year.
He received an offer from UITM for Pengurusan Maklumat(if I'm not mistaken)
I'll miss him and his pansy ways! Haha.
Now, there's only two boys left in the class..
Man, there are on the verge of extinction!

That's it, then!

Will continue my rant, when I can...

Have a great life people!
Now that I know I'm staying in Form 6, I have tons of homework to do!!!

Darn.

Tutulu~~

Update

2009-10-28T22:32:00.005+08:00

It's been what- 2 months since my last update?!

Sorry for the delay and lack of posts. I've been busy at school, going out with friends and stuff. Plus, you know- or maybe you've forgotten how much the internet connection at my house sucks. Well yeah, it does. Right now, I'm using my dear sister's broadband ehehe. She just got back here last Monday. :) She turned all-veggie oriented and pet-pro all of a sudden. Even commented on my weight, saying I've packed a few pounds. While, she lost some weight. Gahh. -.-" That's eating school food for ya'. Doesn't matter, school's finishing soon. There's 3 weeks more, if I'm not mistaken. Well, guess what, today the teacher gave out the test results from our last exams. I've succeeded in failing miserably. So far, my MUET is the only thing worth mentioning and the others are well uhh...sigh. I feel like I've been wasting too much time doing stupid-unimportant things than studying. To be honest, I hardly studied for the test. Actually, I barely did any revision since I started form 6. I don't know whether it's the lack of motivation, the language or just the whole being there thing. I've underestimate form 6 or maybe I just don't care. Maybe it's everything at once. I think, the problem comes within me. I have to sort this out, if I'm planning to continue being there and taking STPM...

By the way, a few weeks ago, I received a letter for an interview from SPA on nursing.
It's on the 11th November...if everything turns out well, I might be leaving pre-u...but my mum kinda wants me to finish it. Anyway, everything's still undecided.

Okay, major events this week.
A surprise birthday party for xxx this Friday.
It's kind of sweet for her bf to buy the cake and all.
Friday-Sunday, Rakan Muda camp- which, I still haven't decided on going yet.
Saturday, Librarian Party at school. We, the lower six are the ones organizing it.

Busy busy busy.

More stressing news,
NEXT WEEK IS OUR F-ING FINALS!!!

After that, my SPA interview.

Then, outing, outing, outings! :D
K-box, 2012, McD..!!!

Later, parent-teacher conference a.k.a handing out our report cards day.

Then, job surveying...depending on my grades.
If they're alright, then, I'll do part-time.
If not, there's a chance I won't be coming back next year.

New Moon...!!!

Next year, I'll be in charge of the 'Keceriaan' for the library.
Updating the notice boards monthly.
Why did they pick me?
I'm not even good with decorations.

Looks like I'll be doing a whole lot research during the holidays.
School- can't stand it, but miss it when it's over.

I hope your doing better than me.
C'ya!

mindless indulgence

Something different for a change.

Don't think too much F, you just might lose your head.

Back to blogging without readers.

Rawr!

I don't have any lines to go right here so, Tubba teletubbie!

I'm a sucker for Horoscope. Idk why :/

Last Sunday.

Friends are awesome to have. =)

Second day being lazy at home.

I don't always do what I say ; I change more than the weather.

I've been thinking...

Things that need to be done.

Loneliness.

Hunger is better than heartache.

Stpm result day 2.

Stpm result.

Note to self.

Dear self.

Dear everyone.

Dear self.

Challenge.

I like you.

Fat.

Stressed out.

When serious meets silly.

Update.

Resolutions- or not resoultions.

Keyboard

Paranoia

Haircut on New Year's Eve Gone Wrong

Stubborn. Me.

Dear stranger,

Pour out.

Hello

Night Out

Daggers & Thorns.

KO STPM BHA BUDUH!!

Why are you messing with my head? :[

HAPPY RAYA!

Another post!

I'm still breathing.

Still holding back...

Chicken Pox

Drafted post on 10th July 2010, Sat - MUET result?!

...

It's Complicated~

Heartache & Bitterness

I hate re-dos. Ugh!

EXAM WEEK~ (PART 3) FINAL! BUT...SH*T HAPPENS. GRR

EXAM WEEK! (PART 2) SEQUEL~ HEH

EXAM WEEK! (PART 1) WEEEHEE~

Last week's event. Kadet Polis! *salutes*

Hey, look typography graphics! Haha.

I believe everyone has three lives ; a public life, a personal life and a secret life.

tough week. grr

R.I.P OKI

...the virgin suicides.

"I just have a lot of issues." - Movie Quote from 'Mean Girls'.

Say 'yes' to typograhy!

Live, laugh, love.

Graphic post ;)

Saturday Nite, feeling alright?

You're too young to be this empty girl.

Hey, wassup?

Self-reminder

You don't know me ; please stop acting like you do.

New post for a new layout. :0

50 WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS!

Tuesday's alright. ;]

Monday blues :(

It's March, darlings.

pa barang ni?!

DRAT. D=

I am troubled by feelings and people.

HOLIDAY NO MORE!

D:

2010 =)

My rants

Update

Last week's event. Kadet Polis! salutes